Yesterday Kat invited me to go to a jungle party. She said it was supposed to be really “freaky” which I was put off by at first but she swore it wasn’t a sex party. She said people just dressed weird and danced to weird music but it was supposed to be really lit. I was down.
We went to the Mongolian grill in our town for lunch and hung out for a bit and parted ways so she could shower/get ready and so I could do makeup and hang out with Jordan. I called her and asked if Jordan could come (on speaker, my phone is a piece of shit. don’t even ask.) And she said that her friend Ebonee probably wouldn’t like him because she hates when anyone is loud or obnoxious. That made me sad because it’s like what is he supposed to do? Not be himself? I was honest with Jordan about it and he decided to sit one out. I felt so bad but he swore it was okay and even said he was on the fence about it anyway. I kinda teared up cuz it sucks that nobody ever seems to accept him or give him a chance. But he wiped my tears and stroked my cheek, looking me in the eyes and told me he will be perfectly happy getting to relax and catch up on Once Upon a Time.
Then I find out my cousin Lilli is in town and I want her and her friend to be able to come and Kat gets all stressed out and says she doesn’t know if she’ll have room and says since she’s gonna drink she won’t be able to take anyone home.
I hate going to parties if I don’t know my exact plan on getting home, so I told her we should reschedule. Me and Jordan hopped in an uber and went to Lilli’s friend Megan’s house so the 4 of us could hang out. I brought some of my vodka with.
Kat was upset that I cancelled and kept calling me and was freaking out and getting herself worked up. She ended up not even going to the party herself. She asked for Megan’s address and she headed over.
The get together was really fun for awhile. We were all laughing and drinking and smoking weed. My vodka tasted really watered down and I didn’t understand why though! Later that night Kat admitted the truth. Her friend Isaiah had drank some without Kat’s permission when I left it at her house and she tried to fill it back up with water so I wouldn’t notice. She didn’t think it would taste so watered down. She felt bad and promised to buy me a new bottle. I was a little upset but since she was getting me a new one, I let it go.
It started getting not so fun when me and Jordan and Lilli (especially Jordan) got a little TOO high. I guess Kat’s weed was really strong. So all of a sudden Jordan’s acting goofy. Which was good and fine. But all of a sudden he gets really upset and starts crying because Lilli doesn’t wanna be his friend and all he wants is her friendship. He’s bawling and I’m trying to console him and from there the whole night is a mess. Lilli and Jordan and Megan are fighting… I’m hyperventilating on the floor…and idk about you guys but when im high i can NOT be around bad vibes and negative energy. i get very very scared and very very confused. even if nothing that bad is happening. everything got lost in translation because my brain was too foggy to even understand it.
Lilli and kat take me aside and try to explain what’s happening but im still confused and even i start crying at this point. Lilli also tells me she hates Jordan and the only reason she’s ever been the slightest bit nice to him is because I love him. And if I was 100% done with him she would have nothing stopping her from running him over with a car. She thinks he’s the reason I was so depressed for a time. Which I disagree with. I’ve struggled with depression since elementary. It only got worse since then. Jordan isn’t the reason for my chemical inbalance. Sure, he was my first heartbreak but I’ve been broken pretty much my whole life.
Megan was getting annoyed because she thought we were being psycho and on crack so finally Kat and I were able to round up Jordan and drive back to my house. Jordan and Kat and I watched rick and morty which PS is not that great. I liked it for the first season or so but after that I got so sick of it. So I snuck off mid episode to go lay down and sleep.
Today Jordan went to work and I did my thing at home. Finally shaved my legs. So I feel like a dolphin. Me and Katie got Arbies and drove back to her place to watch “When We First Met” on netflix. Then came back to my place to play disturbed friends with Jordan and watched Kill Bill pt. 1
By the way me and Jordan aren’t friends with benefits anymore. The sex has made things confusing and to the point where we were basically still dating without the label. I also don’t want our friendship to be at stake. If anything happened I would be devastated because I would be losing my absolute bestfriend in the whole world. It was a mutual decision but Jordan brought it up first. We set up ground rules and hopefully everything goes smooth. I love him so much and I need him in my life. He is my bestfriend. We both love eachother so much and could never do anything to lose eachother.