So I’ve finally decided to start a journal! My reason why? I have SO much shit on my mind, things that I don’t feel like I could say out loud, so why not type it down? To start off, I’m a hopeless romantic, with extreme anxiety, I expect the worse scenario every time and I give WAY to much love with not the same amount in return, or maybe I just expect too much? But usually when I have a bad feeling in my gut, it’s 95% of the time right. Which brings me to my first venting. I have been dating someone for a little over a year now. We just had our anniversary in January. Yay right? Yeah, that’s what I thought except we hadn’t said I love you to each other still. I had brought it up a few times the closer the year got and every time he would get SO defensive and mad and tell me “it’s the wrong time” and “he’ll say it when he’s ready to.” So like every other time, I gave him space and didn’t bring it up again. So our one year went by, still didn’t get anything, still didn’t say anything about it. A week ago, I was sitting in his car when I saw his phone calls up on the radio screen in his car. I had noticed an unsaved number from around the area that he had talked to less than 10 minutes after our conversation. So what’d I do? Damn right, I investigated. Long story short, it ended up being his ex fling from college that he had been talking to for the last 2 weeks. I didn’t hesitate for one second and immediately asked him about it. He told me he also met up with her for one drink. And he had contacted her to pretty much say “hey, what’s up, etc.” I almost broke up with him but THEN he decides to throw the “I love you” card and it honestly is what kept me to stay. He also poured his heart out saying how he wants to be in my future and I’m the best he’s ever had blahblahblah. I still feel anxious, still think he’s doing something, and I honestly don’t think I’ll trust him ever again. Do I stay? Do I go? I have no idea. This is someone I can see a future with, but yet he does something like this. It’s times like this I wish I could see the future. Because honestly, I’m tired of being f***ed over, every time. For a little background info before you think he’s a complete dick, I’m his first serious girlfriend, he’s been f***ed over every time as well. He has maybe 1-2 good guys friends and thinks that girls are better friends because they are “good listeners”. So I honestly think he doesn’t see right from wrong when it comes to having friendly conversations. Does anyone have a guy like this? Where you know they are good and honest when you ask them, but when you don’t ask, something is up that they don’t realize is a little over the line? Share your thoughts/experiences with me because I can’t tell if I’m making a HUGE mistake by staying with him or taking a chance that will be worth it in the end.