My own enemy

I’ve learned that I was never one to be open or expressive on how I felt until I met her. Years in and she has taught me to be open and outgoing of my emotions (something I’m still not used to doing) which has caused me to become a bit exaggerated with it.
Sad to say I confronted the idea of “fairness” and was put in my place. Sure it seemed unfair but I have come to learn that the person actually mentioned how they felt and what they feel would work best for themselves allowing the person to take said immediate action. I on the other hand have yet to fully learn what it means to take a step back and gently go about a situation without letting my words get out of hand. 
I brought myself up thinking it’s best I speak not how I feel in order to prevent confrontation and I kept the idea of bottling up my emotions…that is until recent where now my emotions run rampant leaving me no clue on how to handle or control them. I feel like I’m becoming my own worst enemy, ergo my desire to write this. You the reader can know my life and feelings but I guess what gives me comfort is that I am still hidden as far as face and name…making all of this unbiased in the long run. I want to become a better person, I want to fix all of this but idk where to start…I’m slowly becoming scared to say what I want to because I seem to cause nothing but anguish or start arguments.

I want to do better for myself and the person I am planning a future with.

Question of the day:
If you get into an argument where you know you’re already wrong but seem to continue to the point that your s/o doesn’t wish to speak to you atm…how do you stop yourself or work to fix it?

2 thoughts on “My own enemy”

  1. i think that arguing about a point whether it is right or wrong is just part of human nature, the fact that you are arguing to prove a point isn’t wrong or abnormal! what is wrong is that after you realize that what you are arguing in favor is wrong but nonetheless you continue to argue. i think this just might be because you dont like admitting being wrong which again is a human nature! Remember that many arguments can be ended or avoided before it gets out of hand by just one word. When you realize that you are wrong try to deviate the topic until u build up the courage to be able to say that you were wrong. i hope this was of any help.

  2. wise words.
    I am working on controlling it but I have much to learn. I was never in a relationship where I felt I could be myself fully and growing up the way I did, I never was given an outlet or opportunity to speak my mind so in this relationship I am and I guess I got a lil bit much out of hand.
    I don’t mean to hurt her or act the way I act but I’m trying.
    She is patient but sometimes I feel like I may be too much to handle.
    What we argue about is natural and all but I feel I forget when to back away…maybe it’s a pride thing I developed on my own? maybe it’s an insecurity or fear of acknowledging my own flaws.
    I hope to better.

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