Too many thoughts in my head.

I’ll tell you everything that I told my friend or so I call him a friend it started two years ago almost three years in October this year. I met my boyfriend Matt on a app called meet me I know it’s very rare you meet people on such crappy apps such as that one. But I got lucky I fell in love with him fast or to me it’s love he had a friend which was to me seemed like she was his best friend I think they went to the same school together, church and events. They’re parents knew each other for years still does my boyfriend use to compare me to her size saying I should be her weight size when we first started dating or I would ask him what size should I be. He’d always say hers and at first it didn’t really bother me than it started bothering me badly. I felt like he wanted to be with her instead of me because he would talk about her a lot and it made me wonder if I was right. That he did have feelings for his friend let’s call her Marie even when I first met my boyfriend and Marie was hanging out with my boyfriend’s adoptive sister. They followed us everywhere we walked always talking to Matt about stuff and Marie at the place we ate at. My boyfriend’s parents payed for our food it was his parents, Marie, his brother, his adoptive sister, my brother, brother’s fiance, boyfriend and I. Marie kept saying I know Matt’s favorite this or that over and over like it was a competition between her and I against being with my boyfriend. I’ll just copy and paste what I sent to my friend and paste it below it’d be a lot a lot easier trust me. 


When I met my boyfriend in July of 2015 didn’t meet him in person until may of 2016. We met on a app and when I met him in real life this called I’ll call Marie well Marie was like his best friend. Marie and him been friends still like high school went same church and stuff. I was already a little jealous but when I met my boyfriend in person. His brother was cool no problem with him but his friend Marie and his adoptive sister kept following us EVERYWHERE. During while we were walking downtown and at the restaurant it was his parents, my brother, my brothers fiancé, his brother, his adoptive sister and I. My boyfriends mom payed for everyone it was awkward but Marie kept saying I know Matt’s this and that kept on and on like I know Matt’s favorite food. I know his favorite color like it was a competition between her and I. I was like wtf he’s already mine and I know all this but when we went downtown she was like look Matt that’s your favorite comic book Matt you should leave her and let her look around come with us. Like they wanted to talk to him without me being around or something I got pissed and my boyfriend didn’t even see it. I did I grabbed his hand and jerked him into a different shop lmao. But when I stayed the night once (not in his room) at church the next door they were there his adoptive sister and Marie. They’re best friends his adoptive sister acts like she doesn’t like me and Marie acts like she’s pissed and jealous of me. But she gives me that one nasty look where someone looks you from toes slowly up like you’re nasty and their better. I hate that fucking look but she act like she was excited see my boyfriend but didn’t act like I was there. My boyfriend told her I wanted to go back to college to be a computer engineer she acted so surprised like I was dumb or something to her but his adoptive sister didn’t say a word. They kept taking like 100 pictures together of different pictures acting rude to me.
There’s more my boyfriend says he never liked her but he use to say I should have a body like hers if I lose weight or talking about her and liking her fb posts. It pissed me off so bad.
Now she’s engaged to her fiancé but he’s also her cousin no joke
OH and when my boyfriend and I started dating a guy messaged me on fb saying hey cutie and trying to flirt with me but I didn’t flirt back well the same guy. I heard from my boyfriend was hanging out with Marie and her fiancé at church.
Btw my boyfriends adoptive sister called my boyfriends house a few months ago like a week before Christmas pretending to be me and my boyfriend hung up on her. -.-
I mean he said he was sorry about saying that and that he was just joking but idk I’ve seen him before he was on my phone once in my room we were together. He was looking at Marie’s picture way to long for my liking but maybe that’s just me idk.
But I got really pissed off at him for always saying I should be her size and told him off since than he hasn’t said anything about me being her size
I felt like slapping the shit out of him staring at her picture for to long but that’s not the worse of it. Last year he said after thanksgiving he started going to a new church so he started going to his old one and the new one as well he met this girl named Brittany but he said he was just joking about the whole thing. He told me he liked her and that he didn’t love me anymore that he wanted to be with her and that I made him go to that church because of how my family acted toward him when he came down for thanksgiving. He told me that that girl’s family would probably do more for him than my family ever would and that she was closer to him he hurt me when he said all those things it made me really really believe he was going to break up with me for her or mess around behind my back. I know he wouldn’t be the type of guy to mess around behind my back but I don’t know he’s there i’m a hour in a half away from him and it makes me think like did he ever talk to her like we(him and I) talk or has he ever talked to other girls like we do behind my back I don’t know and when he was up here he got on my phone on facebook and than signed off. I wanted so badly for him to leave his facebook on there or at least the password so I can log on it I mean he tells me there’s nothing to hide but how should I know that and when I went to go see him last August I asked him about the whole Brittany thing he burst out laughing like it was some funny joke or stupid to him. I felt upset and like why the fuck would you lie to me if it isn’t something I mean I don’t know i’m just scared thinking about these kind of things because I do wanna be with me and I don’t wanna lose him but on the other hand I think what if hes not the one.
He hasn’t been mean or a dickhead since I last saw him but he said he couldn’t kiss me last time because I had pills in my mouth he told me once and shit like that I told him when I was down there before I saw him I felt sick and I took diabetes medicine that maybe it made me feel sickly because I took my moms cause they make me feel better cause my mom thinks I have diabetes. That’s all not that I popped pills or some shit than he kept saying i’m going head back STILL even when I last saw him he said it was because of my family mostly my brother but honestly I don’t know because it feels like it’s toward me not my family. Like my family won’t even be around and he’ll still say i’m going head back it pisses me off so badly because i’m like i’m your girlfriend who you haven’t seen in almost a year wouldn’t you rather wanna be making out or talking like damn. Tf is happening but I talked him into going with us to eat and he kinda seemed mad or like he hated it I felt upset but I didn’t show it than my family wanted see this rock in his town we couldn’t find it on our own because I forgot where it was and wanted ask him for directions since he knew where it was. But he kept saying thats my street and it felt like he wanted jump out the car when we passed his street than he told my dad let him out like two blocks over from his street he JUMPED out to me and gave me a shitty hug no kiss nothing and went walking like he was in a race.
I felt extremely upset when I got home but didn’t say anything because I felt like he didn’t wanna be around me and that I wasn’t good enough like tf he didn’t even hold my hand or nothing.
But I don’t wanna leave I feel like if I leave i’m hurting myself badly because I have strong feelings for him but I don’t know even when I go to see him I feel like I do everything in the relationship and it pisses me off because it should be 50/50 when it’s not like even if my brother and his fiance bitches at each other. ALOT might I add but they buy each other stuff without complaining they get each other stuff at holidays sometimes they go out to eat they pay for one another but whenever I go to see my boyfriend MINE I pay for the food for both of us if we get anything or any drinks if he sees something he wants and asks for money I always get it for him last two years I dated him expect last year and valentines time I have brought him stuff for his birthday, christmas and for valentines day. I got something ONCE for christmas his mom got it or that’s what I think he told me when I first met him his mom got me flowers so he could give to me. He’s sent me letters but that’s it he brought me ice cream once which i’m pretty sure he got the money from his mom because he says he has a job but I don’t know if he gets me he doesn’t let me know about it. I think tbh it might be volunteer but i’s at a gym where he lives he argued once because I told him about my brother buying his fiance something for valentine’s day last year. My boyfriend said I only wanted him to buy me stuff which isn’t true but the thought I had was I felt like I did everything but he didn’t do anything for me he doesn’t even write me letters anymore. He told me he was going to but the move in November was hard and that he was still moving in March of last year it took that long than after he still didn’t send me a letter even though he claimed it took from November to March to move which is probably a lie.
Because who the fuck takes five months to move. I mean yeah if it’s a HUGE move from like Tennessee to California i get it if you’re a singer or something but for normal people no
like my family we had our shit at the new place in a week
when we moved so yeah
tell me what you think. 
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