3/7/18 Entry #1

I sit and wonder every day if things will change. I have turned to writing here because I have no-one or nothing else to turn to. It seems as I will always be this unlovable bitch who people keep leaving, even in friendships. I don’t want to let people in, let them know the real reason I am bitter is because of my sister’s cancer and because of my break up with my ex boyfriend. 

I feel myself growing weary- is there any point in living when everything will just be the same for the rest of my life? When my dreams are so unattainable,when all I yearn for is someone to comfort me, to hold me when I cry. 

My mother thinks I am a bullshitter. But I feel dragged down by depression, by the pressure of graduating high school, going to college, then medical school, because her immigrant mother sacrificed everything for her and for me. And I am forever grateful, but it just seems so far away. And I know I graduate in a couple months, and then onto college. But that’s it for the next 8 years of my life: school. And what if I never find someone to love me? She won’t hug me or say that she loves me.. and that’s all I yearn for. 

One thought on “3/7/18 Entry #1”

  1. Do you think if you hugged her and told her you love her, she’ll reciprocate? Or you think you’d be rejected? Sometimes we need to give others what we want from them in return.

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