I sit and wonder every day if things will change. I have turned to writing here because I have no-one or nothing else to turn to. It seems as I will always be this unlovable bitch who people keep leaving, even in friendships. I don’t want to let people in, let them know the real reason I am bitter is because of my sister’s cancer and because of my break up with my ex boyfriend.
I feel myself growing weary- is there any point in living when everything will just be the same for the rest of my life? When my dreams are so unattainable,when all I yearn for is someone to comfort me, to hold me when I cry.
My mother thinks I am a bullshitter. But I feel dragged down by depression, by the pressure of graduating high school, going to college, then medical school, because her immigrant mother sacrificed everything for her and for me. And I am forever grateful, but it just seems so far away. And I know I graduate in a couple months, and then onto college. But that’s it for the next 8 years of my life: school. And what if I never find someone to love me? She won’t hug me or say that she loves me.. and that’s all I yearn for.