It’s really hard to come to terms with the fact I’m struggling with my emotions, or maybe more specifically that, something so “simple” as an emotion can utterly disable me. I feel like such a child sometimes, or that people just expect me to “handle it”. I. Can’t. Cope. It’s not that easy or simple. there is no magic switch that just makes it all better. I see it when I look at L****; I see myself. Thinking about him gone makes me sick, like I might throw up. I still will not acknowledge it. At this point I don’t think I ever will.