8th/March/2018 Thursday

 I was invited to my son’ school for a parents-teachers meeting. I always get excited to attend these kind of meetings and always get weirded out to see how I’m the only single parent there. All the other kids have their mom and dad both attend the meeting. They all give me this strange look that I don’t understand. Well, I don’t give a fuck! I am both mom and dad for my son. Atleast I try to be. 

The society I live in sucks. It’s a hardcore belief in here that a divorced/separated woman has no character. “oh her husband left her because she couldn’t keep him happy, or she fucked around.” It’s always the woman’s fault. And today is Women’s Day! What an irony!

I wish I was born elsewhere. 

My sons teacher told me that he is a good kid and gets along pretty much with  everybody although I need to work on his academics especially his reading skills. Well, that can be worked on later. I’m just happy the teacher told me that my child is kind and loving and treats everybody in school with love and respect. I’m a proud mom! 

I’ve been trying everyday to feel as normal as I can be. Theres always this little voice in me that keeps trying to lower my confidence. I do my hardest to over hear these voices. 

My anxiety hit the peak this morning too. It lowered down later. Still feeling depressed and somewhat weird.

 Ex sent me an email this morning. Had his emails blocked so it showed up in my spam folder.  I don’t know why I checked my spam folder today. I may have been subconsciously waiting to read from him, I don’t know. I still love him but he needs to leave me the fuck alone already. It seems like he doesn’t want me to forget him so he keeps popping up in my email, instagram or facebook. Fucking leave me alone already after what you’ve put me through! 

Tomorrow’s going to be another day where I’ll try my best to be happy. I don’t ever look forward to mornings though. Thats when my anxiety is at the highest. I hope it gets better.  

I am always carrying this empty feeling wherever I go and it never seems to go away. 

I m strong. I have to be that everyday because that’s the only choice I have. 

(If any of you have been reading my journals on a daily basis, thank you very much) 


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