Well, sorry I haven’t written in a little over a month. Honestly, I just haven’t had the urge. It’s hard to write a journal when you don’t really feel like it. We’ll see what I get out today because I’m still not feeling it that much, but there’s been a bit going on and I wanted to update.
I know last time I was really down, on myself and just in general. I appreciate the comments I got; they did make me feel a little better. But what’s been making me feel a lot better is that (a) I’ve been trying not to be the wallflower that I usually am and (b) I met someone. Now (a) has been helping people to notice me and not ignore me like I usually feel ignored, though not every time. Sometimes people do just ignore me. But I’ve been trying not to let that get me down. And (b) helps because, well, it’s nice to feel wanted and noticed and all the things that come with dating someone. And yes, we’re dating. The first date went really well and we talk all the time and I can see him as boyfriend material, I’m just not ready to put labels on what we have at the moment. But we’ve gone out every weekend since the 16th of February and text all the time every day and… yeah, it’s so nice! He makes me feel wanted and pretty and good and he knows about my illnesses and it doesn’t matter to him because he suffers from depression and anxiety too so he knows what it feels like. As you can probably tell, I like him a lot. Sometimes I think I like him too much too fast but I don’t know how to slow my feelings. So we’re just taking the rest slow. He’s been divorced too and gone through enough bad relationships that he doesn’t want to rush into anything and get hurt either. I can’t blame him but I already think about him all the time…Yeah, hard to slow my feelings. I just don’t want to get hurt.
So, what else is going on is that I’m now driving for Uber. Considering my anxiety, especially my social anxiety, that’s a huge thing for me. But I didn’t want to cashier for extra money anymore at my store so I had to find a way to make the extra money I need and Uber lets me make my own schedule and do it on my own time and as much or as little as I want. So it just seemed like the smart thing to do. And I’m actually liking it. I had a lot of anxiety leading up to my first couple of rides but the first two were really good so I was really lucky and it made my anxiety go down a lot. Now I look forward to driving Uber. I’m actually going to do it today, once I’m done with this and take a shower. I need to make a little extra money so I can make my car payment; I overspent a little this past week. Oh well. And I get paid every Thursday like I do at work, so paydays are even sweeter now!
Well, that’s whats going on in my life for the moment. Oh yeah, I didn’t end up getting the bike because I had to pay some bills with my money and the money went way too fast. But I did end up getting some clothes that actually fit and show off how much weight I’ve lost. I just need to start exercising more and work on losing more weight. I think a gym membership is in order, maybe. Just because all the equipment they have. I don’t know. Ok, I guess that’s all I have to say for now. Till we meet again!