Six Crappy Hours of Our Lives

     It’s almost time to go to school and this has got to be quick. I don’t think they understand how sick I get when I think about school. Sometimes I go to school with a headache and nauseous. It’s like hell. But I can’t stay home no matter what. Even if I’m dying. Even though I feel like I’m dying slowly each day. They will never understand how much I hate my life. I shouldn’t feel that way because I know God made me for a reason. I just don’t know my purpose. But I have a lot of anger. And every time I get angry, I get in trouble. Because I guess I don’t have any reason to be angry. But certain people make me angry and I have a right to be angry. The world is cruel and cold. I can’t stand it and I can’t myself. I can’t just be happy. I don’t know when I will be happy. Probably not for a long time. 

     Well, time to go to my six hours of hell.

One thought on “Six Crappy Hours of Our Lives”

  1. You sound so much like myself in Middle School and High School.

    1 piece of advice i wish to share with you is *find help* just talk to someone.
    I found my favorite psychiatrist in my HS, she was my best friend…probably the only reason I showed up to school, her and my case manager[who was also awesome]

    **************************************And I wish I had helped myself sooner.

    You probably think no one cares or no one can help. But the moment you start to break down the wall of sadness and negativity you’ve been building… is the exact moment you start to find what you’re looking for.
    the smallest reason to get up in the morning, the slightest bit of confidence, a goal, HOPE, the thought of someone actually caring about you’re well-being. Comes from those people you let in. and you finding a reason to love yourself.

    Take it from someones who’ve been there. You’re going to expect these people to wave a magic wand and fix all your shit……. sorry hunnie bunz thats never going to happen, have your shit fit, kick scream and cry it out, but don’t give up hope on these people. They really are trying their best to help.

    In my emotional support room we used to have the livestrong bracelets that said “WWM&PD” Meaning *What Would Mick & P Do?* those women were my backbone and those words helped me through so much.

    I still call my case manager from HS when i have a break down [and i’m 21 almost 22, told you she’s awesome]

    You won’t feel better, or find what you’re looking for right away, but you’ll find a purpose. You’ll find a bread crumb trail of finding yourself and everything you’re capable of.

    if you take anything away from this is that, only cool kids have councilors.

    keep you’re head up. life gets easier when you decide you want to make it easier.

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