I’ve been trying to talk to Marcus all day long. He keeps going online and then offline again, sometimes he’ll read my message but never respond, or he’ll respond, I’ll answer, and then he won’t reply back. I don’t get it. This feeling, of getting ignored, is the worst feeling in the world. I don’t know what he could possibly be doing? He has to be home because he doesn’t have a phone with data so he can’t be online if he’s out with a friend. Or maybe he is with a friend, using their phone. Maybe he’s doing drugs. He has frequently done meth before.
I just don’t get why he’s ignoring me. All the time he’d almost pressure me to hang out, or to let him come sleep over at my place, and I always shot him down. My anxiety didn’t want my family to meet him. I was scared. Finally, I’m trying to make plans to have him over, and it doesn’t even seem like he wants to talk to me. I don’t understand. We weren’t exactly dating, but we liked talking to each other, we enjoyed each other’s company, we had fun together.
It makes me want to talk to all my other friends with benefits. I don’t think I really got as close to any of them like I have with Marcus. But I want to feel like I’m actually wanted. I want someone to want to talk to me, to want to hang out with me. I just messaged Kolbi. Might message a few others.
Not sure what I’m doing tomorrow. Hopefully someone wants to hang out with me. I’ll be fine hanging out with regular friends, but in all honesty I’m horny as fuck and would prefer hanging with someone that might want to fool around a bit. Guess I’m just a selfish and disgusting human being.