9th/March/2018 Friday

Today was a bit unusual because I woke up feeling neutral. No anxiety, nothing! I did a lot of cooking as well. Made buckwheat pancakes for breakfast. My little guy loved it with fresh grapes juice I made for him. It’s been a while since I enthusiastically cooked something. I have been doing it for few weeks just  for the sake of doing it.  I love cooking, nevertheless. And I have been told I’m good at it. It’s probably the only thing I’m good at. 

I was calm all day.  Almost like numb. I don’t know if it’s a good thing. But feeling like that instead of restless and full of emotions is not so bad, for a change.  

My fucking ex husband called me just a while ago to tell me that he was going to come to pick our son tomorrow since its Saturday. Yeah sure! Do I have a fucking choice you Fucking piece of shit?!!

Told him my mood was weird and he said things are going to be fine and not to worry. I dont know why when he says things like that I feel a little relieved. I still do believe this man has some sort of power over me. I get convinced and reassured by him very easily. I’m so gullible I hate it. 

I am having some bad smoke cravings right now as I’m writing this. Been almost 6 months since I quit. I’ll have a difficult time sleeping tonight. 

I missed someone Bad even today but it also feels good knowing that I learnt to let go and he is happy wherever he is. I hope he never comes back. 

So I lay all my worries and problems Now. I just want to be with my son and talk to him to sleep. I hope tomorrows better And I don’t wake Up feeling like shit!



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