The man I met when I was 13 years old. He was 18 years old, I fell in love with him. Or so I thought. In a course of a year, he destroyed every part of my being. All I wanted was love, attention, someone to care and he gave me all of that. To lure me in, one day he asked to go through my phone, of course I laughed and told him no. He got pissed and that’s when it began. The abuse. Gradually, all over a course of a year
The man, who took me from every person in my life. I started out as I couldn’t talk to certain guys, then to all guys, then to all guys and certain girls, then to everyone. Including my family. Or he would beat the shit out of me.
The man, who didn’t understand what no meant. Took me from the most innocent thing I had. Raped me. Over. And Over. Whenever he wanted it, he got it.
This would be pages long if I continued on but this man, still to this day affects me. I am 17 years old, with a restraining order against him. But I am still scared to let a person touch me for the fear they will hurt me. Every day, flashbacks lead into panic attacks until I am crying on the floor. Him beating me. Him raping me. His friends raping me. Him gaslighting me. Him pointing a gun to my head. Him cutting me.
The man, who I protected and defended for months after the restraining order went through, because I “loved” him. It took 7 months for me to realize he abused me. Ever since then, every day is a fight to prove this will not kill me. He will not kill me.