How lucky am I..

As I am sipping on my coffee. Enjoying the quietness while everyone is still asleep. And by everyone, I mean my fiance and my 3 dogs. I can’t help but think of how fortunate I am. Life is good. No, life is great! I know lately I have been struggling with my “temper” but deep inside, I know how truly happy I am. I know how lucky I am. I  have my  health, a place that I can call home, a loving and caring fiance, 3 wonderful dogs that shows me unconditional love,  a family that loves and supports me, and a few good friends that I can always count on. What else can I ask for? Nothing, I have everything that I’ve always wanted. 

A few years ago, I was with my ex which we spent 7 years together. About 5 good years id say. Then we should of break up then but its not because I wasn’t thinking about it. I did, every day. But i was scared, Scared of not being able to make it on my own. I know many people can relate to this. Being in a relationship for the wrong reasons. I spent many nights crying myself to sleep. Not because he wasnt a good guy. He was, just not good for me. We were two different people who wanted different things. It worked for a while but eventually caught up to us. January 1st, 2015. I made a new year resolution. That I would do things for myself only, that makes me happy. That night, my ex asked me if i was happy. And i couldn’t lie to myself or him anymore. I decided then, that it was over. I was done being unhappy. I knew he wasnt happy either. That year, i also ended up quitting my second job. Which i had for 5 years. I worked 50-60 hrs a week with only 1 full day off a month for 5 years. I had enough. I learned a lot that year, about myself. The hard way. I made mistakes but i learned a lot. I had some good times, I had some bad times, very bad times I must say. But one day i woke up, and i was happy. Happy on my own! Just me and my two fur babies. Sometimes you think you need others around you to make you happy. But its not true, happiness is within ourselves. No one else can make you happy. Not truly anyways. 

I swear this is all getting to somewhere! Summer 2015, i was ready to start meeting new people. I joined an online dating site. I know, lazy way of meeting people but that’s how people do it these days. You talk to a lot of weirdos online. Always asking the same questions. And you have to learn how to filter out those weirdos. At one point, I thought to myself that this was almost like a full time job. When you have a picture up, you get so many messages. Most of them not even worth reading. And when you have enough and remove your picture, then you get the messages from guys looking for something discreet because they are unhappily married. Really? Because i chose to remove my profile picture, you think this is what i’m looking for? A married man? God! Anyways, i was looking for something specific. First, im all about first impression. And when your first impression is online, you gotta step it up a little bit. I wanted someones first message to be different, stop asking me how i am, stop asking me what i like to do, or what im looking for. Be different! Those were the only ones id reply to. Honestly, it didn’t really work well. I got tired of the online dating i think. I meet a few guys and it never clicked with anyone. Then one day, i got a message from someone and all it said was “Hi”. I must of really liked his picture because I remember his profile being short lol but i said Hi back and 2.5 years later, we are engaged. 

We chatted for a few months before we actually meet. And its not because he wasn’t trying. He tried hard to meet me but i took my time and one day, November 20 2015 i asked him if he wanted to go for a drive. We have been inseparable ever since. I never thought id find someone that I would want to spend every minute of every day with. I can count on one hand how many days we’ve been apart since we have meet. He moved in quickly but I wouldn’t have it any other way. This man, has showed me what true love is. Getting married was never something i thought about because i had never meet anyone that I wanted to marry until I meet him. I want to be his wife. It wasn’t always this way though, we had a rough patch. Specially in the first year. You think the first year should be the best but see, he was married before to a nightmare of a wife who decided to make our life miserable. Its a good thing that i am stubborn and I did not let her get the best of me because she tried hard. She personally told me she would ruin our relationship. Bring it on bitch! lol She failed, she finally gave up and left us alone. (they have two kids together 19 & 21) The youngest was 16 at the time and living with her so she would use him against my fiance for the most part. Anyways, he is now in the middle of filling for divorce so we can finally cut her loose. But yeah, i often wonder in the beginning if this was worth it. We fought a lot because of her, we couldn’t even go to a concert without her ruining it. I still remember that night like it was yesterday, that was my breaking point. That’s when I told my fiance that things had to change because I couldn’t handle this no more. And things changed, he finally put his foot down with her and things started improving then. 

Now, I cannot wait to be his wife. Not that it would change anything with how i feel for him. I love what we have. I love our quiet life together with our 3 dogs and 20 fish. I love that he wakes me up at 3am every morning when he comes home from work with a kiss. I love that we are the same. That we love the same music. That we can sit on the couch, watch tv, hold hands and have a blast. I love that we can laugh at everything together. I love that when im upset, he will do all he can to cheer me up, he will push me when i need it. He will listen when i vent. I love when he writes me love notes and hides it in my purse or lunch box so i would see it later while im at work. I love that he looks so tough on the outside but so sweet on the inside. I love that man. More than life itself. And i truly feel that I am the luckiest girl in the world that I found him… 

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