The good news: I am alive today and have another opportunity to “get it right” or “get right.” I know that every day I go through a refining process, but I also know that some things take longer than others to refine. I have a hard time handling ridicule and stuff like that. So I’m thinking like, “Gosh, if I get this upset about some people making fun of me, how am I going to handle when things in this world get worse? What about when the ridicule turns into something even worse?” Thin skin won’t make it through.
One of my kids (I think) asked me how “life” was treating me. I’ m not even sure it was him because it was a random text. Considering the history that I’ve had with my kids ever since they’ve been influenced by materialistic people, I’d say that his question was probably not out of concern but out of a condescending place. You’d have to know the history and how my kids ended up treating me to understand why I said that.
I didn’t have an answer for him. It depends on what he meant by “life.” If “life” refers to being showered with material items or being “successful” or “important” in this world’s current system, then I guess it would look like life is treating me pretty bad. However, if “life” refers finally having a true sense of identity, knowing my Master better, finally knowing what it’s (life) all for, and finally understanding why a lot of things are the way they are, then “life” is treating me great.
I always felt like I was missing some greater understanding of all the bullcrap that went on in my life over the years. I used to wonder why no matter how hard I tried, I would fail at everything. I’d wonder why I ‘d try to do backflips for this company or that person, but neither company nor person would ever hold me as valuable in any way. I’d wonder why I was always on the bottom no matter whether I was “sinning” at the time or not.
Well, I no longer wonder. My wonders have been answered. My soul is at rest despite the physical and monetary things I deal with at the moment. Do I wish I had a supportive family? Do I wish my children would have sided with me or understood my love? Do I wish I wasn’t alone in my walk? Yeah, but it is what it is, and that’s just something I have to deal with.
America defines love as how much material stuff you can give your kids and how much you let them get away with without disciplining them in any way. The Bible doesn’t define love as such in regards to raising kids. Actually, a loving parent in Biblical terms does discipline his/her children, and this person also TEACHES the children of the Master and His ways and PROVIDES things like shelter, food, and so on.
Wealth isn’t a requirement to be a good Biblical parent and neither is “timeouts.” I’m not saying that it’s a sin for parents to be wealthy, but it’s wrong for people to call someone else a horrible parent who does not have a specific amount of wealth. People have raised children with far less than what I have, lol. It didn’t use to be a problem, but now it is as the world becomes more and more consumed with greed and self-worship.
Entire families live where I live. No, it’s not the best place in the world, but it’s not the worst either, and it’s what I can do right now. I feel bad sometimes when I talk junk about it because I sometimes forget that other people (some of them are white) are raising their kids here. There are some good points about being here, so I have to remember those because I can’t go anywhere right now. The bureaus, the hospitals, the businesses, etc., well they just keep kicking me down every time I try to get back on my feet.
This post was not supposed to be this long at all. I was just going to mention how I had a rash on my neck today and that my right arm and hand are now swollen. I’m not sure what to do. I put some Bengay on it last night, but I guess that wasn’t a good idea. It’s obviously inflamed but I’m afraid to take the pill. By the way, I have NOT been beating up my arm on the car. I do all this work without even using the right arm most of the time. When I do have to reach, I do it very carefully. I think I might need to immobilize it again, though, for a few days.
I’ve been applying for regular jobs just so I can try to get healthcare, but now I have to be even more selective. The fatigue is worse at certain times. Like last night, I wanted to do work, but I physically couldn’t do it. I had to go to sleep. I’m up now working on a long business project, and I can hardly understand what the CEO of this company is saying. My job is to decipher him, so it’s pretty challenging. This was just a break.