Today, one week has passed since my Midterms. Hopefully, my last midterms in law school. I have not studied anything for a week– a feat considered unthinkable for law students like me who should be getting ahead of coverages, whether announced or not. Instead, I made up on sleep and I am on my second unrelated-law book. Its called Red Sparrow. I think there’s a movie adaptation of it.
Why have I decided to start a diary? I don’t know. The usual answers for the ladies would probably be to put their insecurities in writing– things that they cannot tell others (or have been telling others over and over) but continues to eat them up inside. I refuse to be that. Hence, I have decided to put these my thoughts here in the hopes of having better perspective.
For years now, I have this goal to top the Bar Exams. It’s an incredible task- most probably out of my league even. I was never top of the class, although I can hold my own. I always tell myself that many are much better than me but I am incredibly diligent and hard-working. I would consolidate 2-3 books at a time, make my own reviewers and case digests from scratch and take review classes ahead during summer. It doesn’t always resonate in exams as I have difficulty making my answers concise and coherent. I wished many times that I have a mentor– one who could invest his energies on me and make me a better.
Later on, I joined yoga classes to help with my stress management. Since I make all my reviewers, the workload can be too much for the amount of time. However, ever since I joined yoga, I wanted to improve on it. I wanted another mentor.
Then I talked to my best friend who has connections with the Court of Appeals and Supreme Court asking if she could help me work for someone. I, again, wanted a mentor.
It got me thinking that maybe its not just about academics or extracurricular activities that I wanted a teacher in. Maybe I’m looking for guidance and direction– hoping that someone could give it to me. The probability of having a William Forrester of my own though is low. You’re lucky if you find one. Maybe I should be my own mentor. Then again, when you are figuring things out, you want someone more stable to point you in the right direction.
It will come in time. 🙂