Pennies on your grave

I went to see you today at the graveyard and as I sat indian style on the west side of your grave where the little sign is from the funeral home, I looked down and saw 2 pennies.  They were positioned in a way that it looked like someone hadn’t just dropped them, they were left on purpose.  I googled it and it just means that someone came to see you and wanted to leave a little something of theirselves with you.  As I sat there, I wondered why the dirt wasn’t settling right.  I thought about how much I miss you, I cried because I didn’t make you a Grandpa(again), and I still do not understand why you were taken from us.  If this was all a big part of someone’s master plan then what is the reasoning that we have to go on without you?  For us to experience a loss so big, there has to be some big, insightful reason for it right?  I left a penny with you when I left.

I’ve been meaning to write since we got back from Mexico but it’s been just a little crazy.  Unfortunately, your son travels like you and instead of it raining while we were on vacation, he got sick.  I think the beach was really good for Gail and I’m glad that she is experiencing certain things that will help her heal.  Guess what?  We scuba dived!  Can you believe it?  It was a lot of fun and even though Michael was sick, he still sucked it up and did it anyways.  He was pretty exhausted afterward but I think he really enjoyed it.  Gail was so excited that she did it and I was really proud of her.  We laid in hammocks afterward and rested.  We spent a lot of time just chilling on the beach.  I rented a cabana for us so that we could relax.  I hope it was very healing for Michael and Gail, I feel like it was.  Still wish that you had been there with us though.  

I wish you were here for me to tell you about the leadership group chat that I had with work Michael and a group of very great leaders in our bank – it was truly awesome.  You must have been with me because I was well spoken and somehow insightful – me, insightful!  Weird huh?  You probably wouldn’t believe it but I really don’t either – haha!  Unless I hadn’t been there to witness me talking, I wouldn’t have believed it.  Crazy huh?  It was awesome, I was actually picked for that and will be in some more leadership development talks.  I know you would be proud of me so I wish you were here for me to tell.  I also had a great review and good feedback.  I wish you were here for me to tell you that too.  

Since you would ask, school is going really well too.  It’s not such a hindrance in my life now.  I still can’t wait to be done but it just feels like a part of the routine now.  

I wish I could do some bargaining with something special in order to get you back.  I’ve told you before, I would take your place if I knew that Michael and Gail would be happier and have an easier time dealing with the loss.  Yall could move on as a family, together.  But life doesn’t work that way.  

I will always bring you a penny when I come to see you.  I love you and miss you every day.

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