I’m done with Ian. I had to beg for sex again last night and he refused. I guess he didn’t take me to seriously when I told him that I was done if I had to beg again. I read him the riot act Sunday night told him I was sick of the shit. We did have sex but that was just guilt sex because he didn’t want me to break it off with him. Too little too late. I know I’ll never find sex as good as it was with him but I’ve lost him….of course you can’t lose something you never had. His heart belongs to the pregnant bitch. He’s even picking out baby names with her, Irish baby names. He couldn’t even tell me the truth about that. I could have tolerated him knocking someone up if he’d told me the truth about it. Damn he’s so good looking and great in bed. I could have been very happy with him, could have. I don’t want to have to look for sex somewhere else again but if I ever want it again its going to have to be elsewhere. He lost his job and won’t even look for another one. Which means he’s only here to use me. He won’t even get in the shower with me any more. He keeps himself covered up when he used to stay naked in the room. He’s probably making plans for a big escape back to the bitch. I wish he’d just hurry up and get it over with and leave me alone to lick my wounds and get over him. I’m hurting so much I can hardly breathe. Murray’s all I have left.
He even cooked dinner again last night. I can’t get him to go. I found a really nice guy and lost him because of Ian. He was terrible in bed but at least he treated me right. I don’t want to see Ian leave but damn I’m tired of begging. He barely even touches me when we have sex.
I should have seen that he was using me but I’m just too stupid. From now on no more men. Period. All I’m going to find are lazy users and cheaters that don’t care about me. I hate being lonely but that’s all I deserve. I had my chance at love and lost it. I’m doomed to be alone forever.