Happiness is not a destination

 I met L for a drink. And a couple of kisses as it turned out… I’d been arguing with P all day, and so it was easy enough to tell him that I just wanted to go home. He was angry that I didn’t want to go on holiday with his parents, and to be honest… I can’t recall what else.

I’ve had warnings about using my phone at work before so the last thing I needed was P continuously texting his frustration at me when all I could hear was the buzzing.

I told him that I would read and reply later. The arguments never stop. He’s trying to break up with me but suggesting he wants to stay together as long as we never argue and can always be happy. What kind of dream world is he living in? I am not sure how much longer this is going to last. He cannot discuss a problem without claiming it makes him too stressed and diverting. He is asking me if we’re together or not and I just need him to tell me.

I am starting to think that all this cheating is my new form of stress relief. Move aside yoga.

Furthermore, I don’t know why I told L that I was arguing with P. I feel far too comfortable. Most likely something to do with the fact he got home and started telling me, “I love your little smile” and that he’ll pretend to go shooting and come and get me. “Thinking of how I can treat you.”

What is happening? I’m being a terrible person, I get it. Humorous because I always did believe in Karma. I’ll just be over here… developing feelings for an engaged father that is never going to be with me.

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