We had a snow day today. I watched probably 10 episodes of ER. I don’t want to face real life. I don’t want to be in the real world. I just want to watch that show. My life is not in a very good place right now. I am old. I look old. I am not young and cute anymore. I am ashamed at the thought of even trying. Whatever I had is gone now. I got back on Tinder yesterday, but I don’t think I can do that. I need to delete it. I don’t have the time or energy to try to get someone to like me. I have an appointment with Lisa tomorrow. I really need it.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."