Lately, i’ve been trying to get everything together and by everything I mean my life.
I have to take a test for gaston college which is a community college nearby and I applied for the nursing program and I have to get all my shots and pay the tuition and buy scrubs.
All is good there, it’s a little stressful but I’m trying not to stress so much
I’ve also been looking at apartments about 40 minutes from where I live now so that I’m not too far from home considering the fact that I’m 17 about to be 18 in 7 months and the world can be a scary place. I haven’t quite decided whether I want the guy im with to live with me yet.
Lately, things have been rocky between us and I’m scared I’m losing him.We’ve been together for a year now and now he’s not sure if he wants me anymore.We’ve had a few breakups but we always end up getting back together.Recently we broke up because he wanted to be friends because his life was too stressful for him right now.He told me that he doesn’t want to lose me and wants to keep me in his life but right now he just wants to be friends because he feels like we work better as best friends.I agreed with him because lately, we’ve been arguing alot lately because I feel like he doesn’t have time for me anymore because he’s been so caught up in fixing cars and hanging out with his friends. Every time I brought the conversation up he would tell me I’m making him not feel good enough and that he can’t please everyone.so that’s the reason we weren’t together the past couple of days and then we both went on our separate family vacations so that we would have time to clear our head and we weren’t supposed to communicate but we ended up talking the whole time we were away and he kept apologising to me and telling me that he doesn’t want to lose me and he’s sorry for pushing me away.So then the night we both came back he was at his house an I was at my house and we were talking and he still didn’t know if he wanted to be in a relationship with me so I decided to just show him i’ll move on because(I feel like I shouldn’t have to put my life on hold for him do he can figure out what he wants life goes on)so that night I was texting some guy on instagram and in me and the guys conversation I kept seeing messages on there that I didn’t type and it was my boyfriend on it saying that I was only on there to make him jealous, which was true but I mean he still has no right to go on my account and do that.The next day he picked me up in the morning and we were supposed to talk but we ended up having sex which was actually pretty damn good and then afterwards I was trying to talk about the situation and he still said he didn’t know what he wants and it pissed me off because I felt that if you could be so certain about sex why couldn’t you be certain about me.Later that day I kept asking him and he kept joking around about the situation and wasn’t taking me seriously at all so of course, i got emotional.Now we are back together but he’s just been off a little lately, he hasn’t been complimenting me lately and now every time I talk about a house and a family he has this look on his face and I don’t know what I’m doing wrong?
Maybe his feeling toward me has changed, I’m scared that I’m going to lose him.
As much as we’ve been through I wouldn’t want to trade him for the world
I love him but does he love me as much as he used to