Made up

 Well,  I came back and we made up.   He’s still avoiding sex with me.   He’s postponed his shower til morning so that we don’t have time for anything.   I tried to initiate tlitagain for tonight to see if he will come to me.   Something tells me he won’t.  I guess I’m just going to have to find it elseware.  I don’t want to go behind his back but I don’t know what else to do.   I want it so bad and that’s where initially got together.  He’s so good at pleasing me when we do but he just doesn’t seem to want me any more.   I’ve told him already I was going to go elsewhere to get is if he doesn’t step up.   All I’m asking  for is once a day.   Is that too much to ask? With him home all the time I can’t do anything to take care of myself.  I’m so afraid of losing him but I’m beginning to be sorry I ever caved in and met him.   I don’t know what to do.  I love him and I want to tossing out but I can’t muster up the nerve to do it. 

It really is starting to feel like he’s using me.  If I try to say something it’ll start another argument.  He said earlier that I kept throwing a tantrum and shutting down every time he said no and stomped out of the room.  I keep trying to explain every time he tells me later and nothing ever happens it makes me feel like he’s lost interest in me or is turned off by me for some reason and I wish he’d tell me why.  He vahemately swears he’s not turned off by me in any way.  I’m trying to sit here and look at him naked and wanting to jump him so bad but I know I can’t because he doesn’t want me to touch him.  I’ve been with one man since getting with Ian and he  came nowhere near pleasing me.  Never had an orgasm one. I’m so confused.  I don’t know what to do except shut the sex drive down.  I feel that I’ll lose him completely, if I already haven’t.  I want to believe he loves me too but I don’t understand how any man can have no sex drive.  His profile on AFF said he liked women of all shapes and sizes and colors.  I don’t sense he’s messing around with anyone else physically but I can’t help but wonder how much of a hold the bitch has on him.  I’ve been told she doesn’t have much of one so I’ve instructed my animal guides to fight for their lives to protect him from the bitch and the guy overseas and any attack he has initiated against Ian and I.  I hope it all works.

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