It is so rude that our school actually requires us to BUY our graduation cap and gown sets. It’s 44.95 PLUS taxes, “handling” fees, and “late” fees. Which, seriously? Graduation isn’t until the end of May and I’m the one who’s late because I ordered the set after the first of March? What a scam.
The total is 78.91 for one set, which is garbage, because I wouldn’t even spend that much money on a set of nice, actual clothes that I can wear everyday and not just once.
I was planning on buying new bras, but they’re really expensive, or maybe I’m just sort of cheap. Like, maybe bras are supposed to be that price, and I’m the one complaining. I also wanted to buy a croptop, but then I realized that since I’m really flat and skinny all over, I wouldn’t look good in one anyway. I also tried on a pair of those really angry-looking clunky black shiny boots, but they looked really weird on me because I’m so thin. It’s not even a good, attractive kind of thin, either. It’s the weak and noodley kind of thin that makes shopping for clothes really hard.
On Sunday I’m going to go out with two or three friends and go walking around downtown of the next small city. Sounds cool, I guess, since I don’t think I’ve ever gone out and done anything like it with anyone.
March is already half over, which scares me a lot, because a lot of things will be happening that I am really really scared about, like graduating, going to OK for my freshman orientation, leaving all of my friends, learning how to cook, and then actually going to OK for college.
I also have to choose a meal plan and a roommate, which, frankly, scares me a lot because I know nothing about anything. I don’t know what any of this is and it terrifies me, okay?
I’m so screwed.
I have done nothing but sleep and feel bad during spring break. I am literally not okay. I want to see my friends, but at the same time, I don’t want to because I’ll be leaving them anyway and I’m not ready for that.
I’m really sad. If I don’t think too closely or deeply, I feel moderately not too bad. If I do think, I feel terrible. I feel a headache raging.
I also want to dye my hair. Not permanently, just dye the bottom half. I was thinking silver/gray, or pink, or maybe gold. I’ve looked for some cheap spray-on dyes that can be washed out, and I think I’ll try them once my dad is gone.
I was going to start a writing blog, but then I realized I’ve never finished writing anything in my entire life.
I’m really sad and scared and tired. I don’t know what I’m doing.
Also, my hair has fallen out so severely that I now have a very scant not-even real handful of it left. It’s very thin.