I miss him

Ive been married for 16 years. I love my husband but lately i have had a serious infatuation with a guy i worked closley with for about a year and a half. I hesitate to say I fell in love with him but that’s how it feels some days. If a work husband is a real thing he was mine. He left and i feel like ive lost my best friend. I see him at his new job but he’s 20 years younger than me and is now embarrased by havung been so close to someone so old. I guess, i dont know. He said he woukd keep in touch and he hasn’t. I miss him. I almost want to leave my job because it dosent make me happy any more. I was happy everyday when i left work and it carried over into every other aspect of my life and now im slightly deppressed and sad. My husband has noticed the difference in me and my disposition and constantly asks if im ok, if we’re ok. There was a flirtation that was fun but never acted on and now i find myself fantasizing about him. I go to sleep almost every night thinking about him. I am older with grown kids his age so i know its wrong but i cant seem to stop. It’s getting better i think i don’t cry anymore missing him. I dont feel like i can talk about it with anyone because on my part at least it was probably an emotional affair. I think he made feel young again it was ok at act goofy and stupid and have fun. Like i said im older and been married for 16 years so I’m thinking maybe just need to liven up my marriage, maybe. I guess to some extent im tired of being the wife and mother and want to find me again. The person i was before all these other people defined me. I feel like i found that with him and now im being smoothered and told to act my age. Is it a mid- life crisis? Should i ve worried? Sometimes I hope that he will move away so maybe i can slowly forget. I do love him and if we were to reconnect right now and he wanted it, it would be a phsical affair too. I want it and i dont. Im excited by the thought and scared. I just want to talk it out and i can’t. There are so many thing i want to tell him and i can’t. My head is so screwed up right now.

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