Everything was going ok, or so I thought.   We had sex and then he picked a fight because his cigarette was fixing to drop a bunch of hot ashes on the floor.  He complained that the floor was dirty.  So I got up to sweep it.   Then he blamed me for his drinking.    He tried to make it because he wouldn’t lay in bed with me for 4 hours after sex.   Tonight was the first time in days he’s even touched me.  He used to stay in bed with me after sex.  I told him we weren’t sharing the same bed any more and that just made him madder.  I guess Matteo was right. I just need to put him out.  I wasn’t even going to say anything until after he got his tax refund money and could pay for somewhere to go.  I’ll bet he goes to the bitch.   I’m convinced now he was never attracted to me to start with.  I feel so used right now.   I’m sitting in the car and planning on sleeping here for the night.   I don’t have the gas to get to a shelter.  I guess it’s really over now.   I wanted it to work so bad.   I love Ian but I doubt he has any feelings for me and probably never did.   I should have never come to Albuquerque or caved and agreed never agreed to see him. 

One minute he was happy and joking and the next he wants his space.  And he gets mad when I leave to give him his space.  I told him I was leaving for Dallas next month and he’s fighting to keep me here. …he asked me why wanted to get out of being us.  I try to tell him something and he interrupts and accuses me of interrupting him.  I just need to leave here without warning and get away from him.  I told him I loved him and he didn’t tell me he loved me back.   I guess theres my answer about how he feels about me. 

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