To live

So this is my second entry today, I am still deciding if this therapeutic for me or not. On one hand I feel it is but on the other, it’s making me think about things more than I care to. 

Eight.. that was my age when I found out what pure evil was. Eight was the age I started to get abused on all levels imaginable. I say that I am not his victim and I am a survivor because I refused to allow him to take away my life. 

I could have sunk into a deep depressive state, I could have turned to drugs or alcohol.. But I didn’t. I have seen too many others take that road and it’s not pretty.

That is why I am a survivor, that is why I refuse to be his victim. I own my life. What I did do though, was mentally become one tough bitch, but my heart is still huge. I have a lot of love to give. To my family and loved ones. I used my weakness to make me a stronger person. How could I allow that piece of shit to dictate my happiness.  I’m finally happy and content now.

I have seen so many victims over the years, I try to help them. Sometimes I’m not sure how to help them, It’s possible their mental scars are just too deep. It’s easier for people to not feel and fall deeper into the numbness. That place though.. That numbness place, it scares the shit out of me. I don’t want to know what that place look like. So on my bad days I deal with all that bullshit, I get it out in the air and face it head on. I come out stronger on the other side for it. 

I chose to live

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