3/19/18 — addict

I knew I’d be an addict. If I tried any kind of drug. It’s the kind of person I am. Am I mad at myself for starting? Yeah, I suppose I am. Do I regret it? A little, but it’s not something I’ll beat myself up over. Will I ever change my ways? Probably. I hope. But for now? I’ll keep doing whatever makes me happy. I only just wanted to try it once or twice. It’s not like I’m doing a lot at the moment. Yeah, yeah, that’ll probably change the more I do it. But at the moment, I’m not worried. 

Marcus is the person who introduced me to it. Even if I’ve only done it a couple times, I haven’t experienced truly “powerful shit” as they say. There’s no use trying to deny it, I’m an up-and-coming addict in training. How the rest of my life will play out from this moment on, I’m not really sure.

Anyways, the past few days have been going by pretty fast. A little too fast. They say time flies when you’re having fun. I’ve been constantly hanging out with Marcus and his friend Chauncey. I think I’ve finally cut Dwayne out of my life for good for being the biggest hypocrite of them all. I’ve been putting myself into “dangerous” situations. Being around people I probably shouldn’t be with. My I’m a grown-ass adult. Who can make his own choices. Nobody twisted my arm and said, “Hey, you, throw your life away by doing this!” I did ask for this after all.

This post may not make sense to a lot of you. To some of you it may be plainly obvious. I don’t feel like I need to do much explaining. Between hanging with my normal crowd, hanging with Marcus and having some fun, and trying to find me a job, journal entries may be scarce.

I may be so completely stupid for doing this drug and hanging around the “wrong crowd”. But I’ve come to realize I’m a thrill seeker. I wanted a certain kind of change to my life. I will keep this a secret from my friends. I will try to make a name for myself in the underworld. People will know who I am.

Goodnight, journal!
9:25 PM

One thought on “3/19/18 — addict”

  1. Micah, please don’t throw your life away on drugs. Please. Life is hard but drugs only SEEM to make it better. I was on 30 mg. Lortab/day (Prescribed by doctor) now they won’t renew it and I have tapered down to 5 mg./day and I feel alive again. Do I miss the buzz? Yes, but not enough to get bogged down in that again. During the years I was on Lortab I produce almost zero poetry, prose, music and art. I am so happy to be free. Please don’t throw your freedom away! Don’t hang with Marcus. Go with your healthy friends. Talk to someone. “Hold fast your crown” – Revelations. Grab your God-given life and don’t let anyone or anything mess it up for you. I send you hugs and love.

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