I was going to stay with Ian but I’ve decided not to.  He doesn’t feel the same way about me that I do him.  And when I asked him about sex he told me the classic woman’s line….it’s not you it’s me.  I realize he’s just not attracted to me any more.  I know he’s been stressed but last month when he was so sick with bronchitis he didn’t have a bit of trouble having sex with me or being attracted to me.  He hasn’t had time to be with another woman physically but he has had time to do cyber sex or sexting.

It’s 1015 pm and he woke up 30 minutes ago and I tried to approach him for sex for the 3rd time today and he refused me again.   Now I’m convinced he’s not interested in me sexually. 

Why do I keep believing his lies?  Hell we’ve fought before and always made up and had sex afterwards.  Now he said he can’t have sex because we fought.  I guess I’m going to be finding sex elseware.  And I know just where I’m going first.  The jerk that keeps trying to get with me and then throwing tantrums every time I don’t jump to suit him and then dumps me.  I guess the best I’ll ever do is one night stands.

My parents always told me I was fat, ugly and stupid…..and after they got divorced they threw me away like I was trash.  Everyone throws me a way like trash.  I guess I’m nothing but trash.

One thought on “mind”

  1. I would like to wash your mouth out with soap for saying you are trash. I’d also like to give you a big hug and hold you so tight you’d know you’re loved. Darling girl, I am about your mom’s age or older. I’ve been through a lot of life. I’m sorry your parents told you negative things that destroyed your self image. That is a crying shame. Everyone has some special BEAUTY inside. What is yours? Don’t tell me you don’t have one because I know better. I’m glad you’re breaking up with that guy. That was going nowhere. You deserve better. No one night stands. Ask God to bring you together with someone who will love you for a lifetime. God bless you, sweetheart.

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