I’ve been trying to get a tiny bit ahead with my lessons so I would have time to observe in the office. I think I can go up for a class period today. I am trying to diet and I’m starving. I always feel this way at first when I try to cut eating down. It takes my body some time to adjust. I just have to tough it out through the hunger for a few days and it will get a little better. I am not going to be fat. I will not be fat. I can’t control getting old but I can control getting fat. I am going to take care of myself and not let myself go and become a big fat disgusting mess. I am trying to take care of myself- like more time on my teeth, more time on my face and hands. Like it or not, people judge you by your appearance, and being attractive will do nothing but help me get an admin job. I have got to keep out of controversy and mind my own business. God, I’ve been saying that for 30 years. I want to be a quiet, reflective person, not a loud mouth gossip like my mother. I need to keep my focus on me and what I have control over.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."