I don’t know much about nothing. I always feel unwanted. Shit I don’t even want to be around me 90% of the time. I’m lifeless, a clean freak, I’m OCD, and just a bitch.
I’m trying. Trying to feeling, think, laugh, enjoy. Some days are easier than others. I missed my meds last night and I think it’s why I’m feeling the way I am right now. I don’t live, I just search for someone to love me and want me. And I know this isn’t getting me what I want. At this point I just want to be wanted by friends. Which I have none of. I want people to enjoy my company and make memories and if love finds its way then great thats what should happen. But I shouldn’t be searching for love when I’m still searching for myself. Being alone sucks. Not knowing yourself sucks.
I’ve been really positive lately. But right now… it’s just hard. this snow storm is doing a number on my nerves along with being alone in this house on top of missing my meds last night.