Wild Horses

My mum was kept in hospital overnight; not last night but the one before because had an operation to finally see what was going on with her eating and difficulty swallowing. As I know, there was no cancerous growth or anything like that found so I’m hoping that will ease the bitter, passive aggressive behaviour towards my dad but when she came home in the morning it continued 🙁 I’m so so glad she’s ok and I knew there’d be no cancer found…but I guess once you’ve had cancer nothing will take away that fear that it may come back.

Harry is fine, I was able to look after him while dad was with mum at the hospital and I took care of the house, all the washing and cleaning and washing up. And I was fine, a bit stressed and tired but I made sure I had a good nights sleep with Harry and in this morning my dad went to collect my mum. Originally on the day of my mums op my dad wanted me to pick up my mum from the hospital and he seemed angry when I said I didn’t think so as mum said he operation wouldn’t be till about half two and she’d have to be in recovery and it probably would have been at least 5pm which they didn’t let her go anyway they kept her overnight but I couldn’t have picked her up ’cause I have to cook for Harry and then his bath and put him to bed! Dad seemed really annoyed but I ignored it, I know it was because he didn’t want to bother to do it himself which he had to in the end anyway; my first priority as much as I love my parents is Harry. Who the hell will look after Harry if I have to drive to the hospital because dad feels too tired to? I understand how tired all his drugs make him but he managed it in the end.

I’m feeling rather strange and depressed…everything is ok, I took Harry to his baby and toddler group on Monday then he had a wonderful time at nursery driving around in one of those red cars with the yellow roofs that you get inside in, then I took him to his play and group this morning and then later Harry’s dad’s parents picked up Harry so Harry couldn’t spend time with his father at his father’s parents house for two and a half hours as he usually does every Wednesday s o that gave me a break. Harry is so full of energy it’s amazing. Still a fussy eater but progressing so well, thank goodness, after all that’s been going on!! I’m so glad.

Actually last weekend we had more snow!! But this time I got the feeling they were much more prepared for it and made sure the roads were cleared pretty well! I managed to go to Sunday mass for the first time in 17 years in the same church as the play and pray group which is the church I went to for the first 12 years of my life but we stopped going when my dad had his breakdown. I had my first holy communion there, my confirmation there (I was baptised in Mexico like Harry!) and by chance my ex-acquaintance Catherine introduced me to the play and pray group and I have been wanting to be able to go to church again for ages and even though it was snowing I managed. I loved driving in all the falling snow flakes it felt peaceful. There was quite a bit of snow everywhere but it was peaceful. I really enjoyed the mass, it was like coming back home. I will continue going to mass every Sunday whenever it’s possible definitely because I really enjoyed it. I felt a sense of such calm and peace.

2 thoughts on “Wild Horses”

  1. Hi there! Welcome to GoodnightJournal, this is a good place to write! You can upload your own music files if you click on the add media option at the top of every new entry you write.

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