I’m alive…

We all know that I am always sad for some odd reason….depression hits hard and nothing that the doctors prescribe me works…  I have been checked and put on medicine ( i hate taking any type of medicine ) and nothing is working. I am married to this absolutely wonderful fella and I feel like I can not give him what he wants.. We have been through so much . Fertility treatments are so expensive and it isn’t right … to anyone who suffers from this… We want kids, we don’t want to feel like we aren’t normal, like something is always wrong… I’ve even went as far as telling my husband that he could leave to have a family… I got so down the other day I was sitting at the dinning room table bawling my eyes out… because of this … And he comes and wraps his arms around me telling me to look at our wedding picture  hanging on the wall … ” He said to me , babe no matter what happens , I married you . ” … I’m not saying i have the best husband ever but hes amazing… We just want what other people have that happiness ( which we are)  but we want a kid… or like he says 2 … We have another doctors appointment the 5th of April… Im a nervous wreck.. I suffer from PCOS from which I was told when I was 16… but who knows anymore… I have no idea how much medicine they will put me on… or anything… I want a baby green running around …. We need a miracle… I’m not much of a religious person so if I could ask anyone who reads this please please pray for me while I do so for the first time in forever… 

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