Today, two people I consider friends said my victim numbers at me. Let me clarify if there is any misunderstanding. I am a target victim. The numbers assigned to me as a victim are well known. I have written about them either in this journal or my other one or both. I won’t repeat them. I don’t give out the address to either one, but you know. Anyway, I really am not always sure if people are trying to remind me or threaten me. If they’re saying numbers that are represent other people who aren’t victims, I take it badly. When my parents say certain numbers, I know they mean no harm or threat, but they’re trying to remind me. One number isn’t even a victim number, it’s just, well nevermind. Wait, one person said my victim number (one of them) at me and I responded with “bad” people’s numbers. I really rarely do that, but I never know what to say. Sometimes I know 100% for sure that they are threatening me and I’m already intimidated by them.
I’m sick of writing about these numbers. I could explain some of them but that would just spread the shit. I’ve already done that unintentionally. I just wanted to write about my experience as a victim, in case it is helpful to anyone. I will be murdered. People have already tried in the past 8 years many times. The slander/libel just makes it that much more dangerous for me and mine. Yes, lies (written and spoken) are spread about my loved ones as well. This also includes old friends, new friends, etcetera. Could be anyone. Usually it’s the same lies told about me and some others who are not lied about any more. Sometimes they are new lies. Depends.
Wish I had some money that I need badly for um, oh hell, I won’t put it delicately or even try, tampons, pads and pantiliners. I could use some acetaminophen for cramps and overall pain as well. C’est la vie. La meme chose, aujourdhui. Merde.
Peace be with you.
Remember me as I was before I was tortured, or while I was tortured and interrogated, if you ever heard me or heard about me. Keep in mind, I have been asked questions and tortured for 8 years. I was even interrogated about my kin, kith, life, everything you can think of some things you can’t. Doesn’t matter if you heard or read about that level (the questions) Happened and happens anyway. I don’t “talk to livelihood”, whatever that means or whomever it is. I don’t “talk in public”. I get exploited. I get tortured. I get interrogated.
If I don’t talk, I will be murdered. I will be anyway, so I don’t know what the fuck the point is besides asocial violence and exploitation. BLah.