bedtime

When I’m up Ian is asleep and when I’m asleep Ian gets up. And when we’re both up we’re fighting.  It’s been that way every since we started living together.  I’m tired of it.  I feel like he doesn’t want to be around me or even with me.  Sex is sketchy.   I no longer worry if he’s cheating on me either in person with someone or online.  He hasn’t told any of his friends that he’s seeing me or living with me.  It’s kind of insulting.  It’s like he’s ashamed of me….he doesn’t want to be seen in public with me.  He insists on running his errands along and insists that I do the same.  I don’t know why at this point I’m staying with him.  And even when we’re awake at the same time he’s playing games on his phone and ignores the hell out of me.  I want out but he won’t get a job so he can support himself so I can get out.

It just dawned on me why Ian is spending so much time in the bathroom alone with no phone or anything.  He’s masturbating.  I think he may have been last night before I went to bed.  He was sweaty like he’d been having sex.  He fell twice in the bathroom last night.  The first time he came right out of the bathroom and the second time he didn’t.  He sat a few minutes, but then again he was pretty drunk the second time.  That makes me feel horrible because i must not be pleasing him in bed.  Because he’d rather masturbate than have sex with me.

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