He told me last night he was going to try to quit drinking so much.  I pray that he does slow down.  He told me something else last night that’s a little disturbing….when it’s quiet he hears his mother’s voice calling for him and she’s still alive.  I fear he may be bipolar or some other mental illness that needs to be diagnosed.  I used to hear voices when my bipolar was out of control but I don’t any more.  He claims to be ADHD and he realizes that he’s self medicating.  He says that he thinks all mental illness is fake and is just an excuse.  I wish there was some way I could get him in to get some sort of treatment to fix whatever is causing the problem.  I guarantee he will have a new outlook on life.  I still fight with the suicidal thoughts but I know I won’t act on them at this point.  Even when I look at myself in the mirror I still see such sadness in my own eyes. 

I think if he gets some treatment for the mental issues he will feel a lot different and will  quit trying to self medicate.  But I cant force him or do it for him.  He’s going to have to want it.

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