I am struggling.
It’s really had trying to decide whether to forget him or if I should wait for him to realize I still here. I don’t know which path to choose because either way I feel like i’ll end up heartbroken again and fuck three ways to Sunday. Excuse the language.
If I move on, forget him basically, that means I have to start rebuilding my life from scratch. I’ve based my entire love life around him, but he doesn’t even understand the love and the passion I have for him. He acts so big around his friends, but he bottles up so much emotion deep into himself that i’m afraid one day he’s going to burst… And I won’t be there to help him. I know it’s not my job to do so, I know it’s just my brain thinking about him, but it really sucks to think that if I leave him i’ll just become a memory for him. That I won’t be the “girl I give too many I don’t knows too”. instead i’ll become “that girl from Missouri that I fell in love with in 2017”. God. This pressure i’m placing upon myself is unimaginable.
If I chose to wait.. Well. I’ll be waiting a fairly long time since I cannot move there yet because of college and money. I would be making myself possibly absolutely miserable thinking of how many girls hes going to become familiar with. I would become this obsessive girl over someone who I love more than they love me.
I don’t know what to do.