I Feel So Miserable

I always think im sick or gonna die. Ive been to the doctor some. So far no real problems. i get aches and pains and search out diseases. I tried to stop but it rules my life and I guess i know how ridiculous i am and i see happier people who arent ruled by their thoughts everyday.

i think that the doctor overlooks something and i find a new disease for every pain through my thoughts. i hate tests, or the thought if surgeries. i will only do non invasive test and only one did i do when i had bladder issues. there are theses health commercials always on tv every single day. i iry to mute them of close my ears. 

last year i wanted to die a lot. im not saying i do now. actually i am more afraid of it. i had worked for months to stay strong then i get a setback. i just imagine myself diseased or going to get sick. i am tired of my psychiatrists who is tough, and always talks about himself and others the good portion of an hour. 

i dont hardly get to say everything i want then he interrupts with…his story of something that happened or some other patient.he has this power when you enter the room. its not magic. its scientific. its like if you go in to see a tough military officer or cop would you stand up to him and say…let me talk!

i never seem to have a choice as to what doctors I can choose because insurance does not cover them and when you havd no money basically the cheaper ones are the only ones you have.

im sick of him. i wanwanna stand up to him and say be quiet and let me talk. how can you help me if its about you!!!!??? 

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