Here we go again. Skimming through my usual email check daily… I ran across one that stopped me dead in my tracks and gave me a huge lump in my throat. Let’s just call him “A”. A has pinned your pin on Pinterest. What? This is so random and we never even followed each other on this particular social site. I looked at it and he had pinned a burning heart from my art board. After a year without any contact and out of the blue. It slammed into me like a wall of bricks. I suddenly got anxious and upset. He had already did this through Instagram a year ago, liking my pictures randomly with no word. Finally I broke and wrote him a message. The next day I get a phone call from his new girlfriend asking me what’s going on? I protected him like a fool and told her nothing and that it was just a peace offering message, leaving out the part about his subtle taunts. They fought and he left apparently and then carried on, still together now. So what does he want from me? I hate that social media lets people do subtle contact here and there without an explanation. Is he thinking about me? Does he miss me? It just stirs up so many emotions and throws me back to square one. I chose to ignore him because I know he’s trying to initiate contact somehow, but why? He knows how I feel about him and that I have been desperately trying to move on and I thought he had too. We would go on with this void and carry on with our lives with other people, but still love each other from a far. It tears me apart. These subtle taunts break me with a million questions. I wake up in the middle of the night still with my mind racing thinking about him again. I have tried every way I can, but I can’t let him go and apparently the feeling is mutual or he is just cruel. This haunting will go on forever.
Lifewife is what he called me. My affair almost cost me my marriage, my self respect, and my sanity. This is my outlet to closure because I never received one. This is my journal to recovery and the steps to forgiving myself. Never judge a person before you've walked a mile in their shoes. Love doesn't choose when the time is right or when circumstances are perfect. It can come when you least expect it and it can break you in second.