3/28/18 — some time away from home

I’ve been telling myself and others that I was going to be away from home for a while. I wish I could go through with something like that. Packing up and leaving the city for at least a week, maybe more. Well, I’ve been away from home for a few days now.

Went closer to my home town to spend two nights with my best friend Caitlin. Me and her met each other back when we were twelve in the seventh grade. I helped her clean out her house. I wish I could say that I did that out of the goodness of my heart, but truth is I did it mostly for the money she promised to pay me. Twenty dollars. Yeah, I know I’m greedy. I love hanging out with her but I can’t stand being down the bayou and away from the city. Everything seems so cut off down there because I can’t just walk to everywhere I want to go. She usually gets upset but I anytime I stay with her it’s always just a day or two then I’m ready to go. I find myself contradicting myself in these situations because I constantly tell myself it’s time to take a little vacation but then I slowly count the days leading up to when I get to go back home.

Washing the dishes for her was torture but I guess twenty dollars is worth it. Yeah okay it’s not a lot of money but for someone with no bills to pay and no real reason to spend it, twenty dollars sure seems like a good bit.

At least I managed to have some fun though. Towards the end of the first day (even though it was during the early morning) we smoked some weed. “Blueberry Kush?” I think she called it. Made me feel all tingly. I felt so accomplished because I was actually able to light the pipe just fine without asking for help. Usually I always have trouble lighting it and end up burning myself. Which always embarrasses me when smoking with others. Thankfully I did it on my own this time. 

Anyways, that weed got me to sleep good. I slept from somewhere between 4 and 5 in the morning until almost 5 in the afternoon. That’s near twelve hours. So I was fully rested. Except, I wasn’t. We went to her grandma’s to pick up her son, and then went to town, but the entire time it was so hard to keep my eyes open. I felt exhausted. Like, I had just gotten negative hours of sleep. We got back to her place, and after a few hours of fighting sleep, I ended up passing out before midnight and then sleeping all night long. I have no idea how I was able to get so much sleep. I guess it’s the time I spent awake for days at a time finally catching up to me!

Today I had Caitlin bring me to my mom’s house. I know I’ve been wanting to get out of town for several days and nights, but honestly, I’m thinking of leaving either tomorrow or the day after. I never see my mom or sister but…can you blame me? It’s boring around here. My bedroom is in a hallway and my bed’s a recliner. I hate it here. All I wanna do is stay in the recliner on my laptop and not socialize with my sister. I do enjoy talking with my mom but she’s like me, she wants to lay in bed doing nothing but fool around on her iPad or whatever. I wanna go home.

I’m sitting in the recliner, typing this out, listening to music. I want to go home as soon as possible but if I leave tomorrow I’ll seem like a dick. I’ll probably be back before the end of next month though. My mom and my sister both have birthdays. I hate going so long without seeing them but I really hate being down here away from civilization. Away from my friends.

I’m slight craving dope, not gonna lie. Most of the reason I wanted out of my city was to get away from the main reason I got zooted in the first place. But now I want to go back badly. I know every addict has said this, but I think I can somewhat manage that addiction. I can get high with friends, and then not long after go home and try to eat and take a shower and then go to the mall and hang with other friends…make sure I keep up a usual schedule and stay healthy while on the drug. Yes I’m trying to justify me using “the devil’s drug”. Don’t bother telling me anything against it. I know, I know. There’s nothing you can say I don’t already know. I’m ranting about this. Again. Using an illegal drug. On a public website. I’m stupid.

Hopefully I can sleep easy tonight. And that the next day or two go by in a heart beat. I want to be close to home. Just so I can stay out of the house all day and most of the night.

Goodnight, journal.
10:54 PM
3/28/18

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