Where do I belong?

So I kinda need a bit of help, I’ve got a few problems and even as I type this I feel like I should be ashamed. So I feel like I need to start my life up a bit. I’ll explain my problem 

im a 20 year old high school graduate, and honestly I feel like I never should have graduated. I’m sucky at math, history, writing/English, science and physical education. The only subject I ever got an A in was art, but as it stands now I feel like I’ve failed even that.

i tried making it as an artist but I never really got all that much support or even attention, often I’d plan big projects only to stop them because no one really cared, turns out that my dreams are anywhere close to being a reality ( I’m sorry but that’s just how it feels, I’m trying to be honest not winey) 

with the end of my high school career and with no funds or applications to college set into motion I quickly became the human equivalent of a cat: moody, sleeping and eating all day, and only really doing what I want to do. Now for the first few months that was fine by me, but as months turned to years(2), it started becoming very depressing and that depression broke free one of my deepest repressed facets of my personality: anxiety, with this new road block, my current problems had started to worsen. I never could get my drivers license with it and without a license and me living in the middle of no where, I haven’t had a chance to better myself. 

Now that I have reined in some of my anxiety ( not enough to drive) I want to get my life in order, I want a job, an online on preferably, one that requires maybe just a high school degree, I’m not the smartest cookie but I feel like I must have some place in the world, 

i still doubt my self now, writing this, I…… I feel like I don’t have a place in the world 

Like I’m not good enough to belong to it, like if I get a job someone else will just replace me.

ive wasted your time, sorry….

please go enjoy life to the fullest 

go be happy to have a license, a job, a dream , a life ….

dont waste you time with a crack in the sidewalk like me. 

One thought on “Where do I belong?”

  1. Hi Shadowclawn!

    I would like to recommend you a book “mindset by carol dweck” read online summary first so you will know what is all about.

    I would recommend do some job for month, two or three may be just to change your environment (it helps to reduce depression & anxiety)

    As far a profession is concern go for graduation in art, if you think you are not ready do some short course of art then re evaluate the situation.

    you said you are not good at anything but art, I believe it is a good sign, God wants you to be an artist. I have seen people who are good at multiple thing and they are confused what to pick as their career. so take it as positive.

    Last but not least read your previous entries which you had written last year or so and try to figure out the patterns what make you feel depress & compare these patterns with your current patterns. I hope you will find the answer. And start doing Moring or evening walk

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