good

The good days with Ian are starting to outnumber and outweigh the bad ones.  All week he’s been such a love.  We decided several weeks ago to call ourselves a couple, boyfriend and girlfriend.  He’s been calling me his gal.  This morning he finally called me his girlfriend out loud and on purpose.  He told me it should have been said long ago.  He’s told me several days now that he didn’t know what he had done to deserve me.  I’ve decided to give it a little more time and see if it stays good.  Another month or so since if I pay for this month I won’t have the money to go anywhere else.  If it gets bad enough I can call the cops and have him ejected from the room or I can go to a shelter.  I’ve got a backup plan now.  His drinking hasn’t gotten any better.  I’ve tried to gently bring up him going to AA or seeking treatment for his drinking.  All he keeps saying is he has to want to do it on his own.  This is something I don’t feel he can do on his own.  I’ve been in a 12 step program for overeating.  Thankfully I’ve got it under a reasonable control.  I have to admit through all this I’ve had a strong urge to overeat but have managed to stave it off.  Thankfully.  I need to go to a face to face Al-Anon meeting.  They keep saying to only worry about taking care of me.  I love Ian but I can’t help him.  He has to help himself.  I hope and pray he will finally step up and do just that.  He’s not a mean drunk and he’s never even tried to hurt me physically.  I wish I could just wave a wand and make it all better. Underneath it all  I believe him to be a good man.  When he’s sober he’s great.  The only thing that bothers me is that if and when he does get sober  he won’t want me any more but that’s a risk I’m going to have to take for his sobriety and his well being and mine.

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