Wants…

I need to lose weight. That’s a given. I am 28 years old and I am like 212 lbs. But I’ve tried just about everything under the sun! I can’t seem to commit to the gym, or fancy diets. But I need to do something to get myself out of this funk. 

I want to save up for a house. Excuse me, I am saving up for a house, but my goal is to be living inside of my house and celebrate my 30th birthday in said house. I also want to have a housewarming party and invite my friends over.

I want to be a good pet owner to Ollie, my beautiful rescue dog. He is such a good boy. Nearly perfect for a puppy, you know, when he is not peeing in the carpet. My new house is going to have to have hardwood floor because vacuuming is such a chore and he sheds…alot.

I want to be the perfect daughter. I do. But its hard when so many of my personal desires differ from those of my mom. She wants a grandchild. She wants to be a grandma. But whenever I talk to her seriously about the topic she tells me that she’s kidding and that its not important but you can tell she really wants grandchildren.

I don’t want children. Being a victim of sexual child abuse gives you a whole different perspective in life. I can’t guarantee that any child that I bring into the world will be safe.

I want to be financially stable. Not rich, not fancy cars or fancy clothes, just stable.

I’ve given up on trying to find a boyfriend, or as my friends say “A man”, simply because I know that I’m easy to get along with, or the most outgoing. I always try to look at things logically as apposed to emotionally. My mom says that I’m just like my father. “Cold heart” and “Closed heart” are words that come to my mind as well as the car ride to the flea market where this conversation look place. 

I’m going to go back to work.

2 thoughts on “Wants…”

  1. I used to weigh almost 300 lbs and I’m only 5’4. I’ve lost almost 100 lbs. There is no need for a fancy diet. Try overeater’s anonymous and just cutting back on your portions slowly. I am a compulsive overeater because of mental, emotional and verbal abuse I had growing up and as an adult. Try OA.

  2. I am in the same boat as you minus the abuse. Family expectations, and everyone has an opinion about your life and what you should and should not have especially women. I don’t want kids my brother is 10 years younger than me an I raised him. My parents work hard and I am eternally grateful to them but, I have no desire to parent in any way shape or form. The hospital emergencies, potty training, homework, school/ teacher conferences, I had done them all before I turned 18 and he wasn’t my kid. What you want for your like overall is what is best for your life, boyfriends, kids those can come later when you feel confident in your self. Just make sure you take a moment to breath so you don’t get overwhelmed.

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