I did pretty good with eating all day until I went and met Erica and drank 3 beers and ate the shittiest food ever- I will never go to that restaurant again. I don’t even understand how it stays open. It is gross. My head is killing me right now and I don’t have any ibuprofen or tylenol in the house. I am going to go to the store soon. The temp dropped fucking 30 degrees overnight, but I’m still going on my walk today. I only went last night because I wanted to see Erica. I really love her. She is precious. One of my favorite friends. I need to stay off FB and stop wasting so much time just sitting. Watching TV and staring at the computer. That does not help me at all. I feel so sad and depressed and frustrated that I am all alone- that I will never have a man in my life like John Carter. Ha. I know that sounds stupid and delusional, but it’s true. He is the perfect man albeit fictional. I don’t want to be alone- I really don’t, but I don’t see that I have much choice. I spent a lot of time and $22 creeping on David yesterday. He doesn’t have a fb anymore and he’s still married. He’s even wearing a ring now. He is co-dependent. That wife of his is a looney toon, but he’s choosing to stay there. She is a fucking high school dropout and threatens to kill herself if he tries to leave her, so there you go. He’s an idiot. He did me wrong, anyway. I should never speak to him or want to speak to him again. I need to stop looking back for answers. I am the worst about doing that.
Just Keep Swimming
I am a 48 year old adult child of an alcoholic. My childhood could have been a Lifetime movie. I am dealing with PTSD, anxiety, and severe depression as a result. I am working on gaining an understanding as to what this means and learning how to be okay with myself. Some days, just killing myself and being done with it seems like the most sensible option. On those days, I keep telling myself, "just keep breathing in and out, that's enough for today."