Past 1 week has been miserable in many ways. I’m constantly obsessing over one particular thought every moment, so much so that it wakes me up every 1-2 hrs all night long. Sleep deprivation has caused my mental health to deteriorate even more.
It’s not that I never have anything good to write about my day, good things happen to me. But even while those good things are happening, I’m hearing voices in my head, thinking irrational thoughts in the back of my mind. However to me, those irrational thoughts are rational. I’d be having a good time, but all of these irrational thoughts that I’m having are making it difficult. I tend to beat myself up over it from time to time. One side of my brain says, that I have no reason to believe that bad things are going to happen and I should just enjoy the moment. The other side says that theres a possibility it could happen. Both sides go back and forth and argue about it. These thoughts get triggered very easily and more easily when I’m having a good day.
I don’t feel good right now. I am in my bed trying to sleep. I’m very tired. I’ll even fall asleep within next 5 minutes but I’ll be awake in next 1-2 hour again. And thats when my thoughts will hit me harder because my guards will be completely down. I’m already starting to feel anxious.
I have got so many things to do in life, but I don’t know where to start. Trying to regain control of my life has been almost an impossible battle.
Being a loser has been my norm. I’m fully aware that I’m wasting so much time and i need to start taking control of my life already but WTF is stopping me! Where do I start! How do I do it! How do I become the best version of me, how do I overcome my anxiety!I really miss being the confident person I used to be. Fear has taken control of my life and I can’t seem to do anything about it.
I do try though, every day!
But im starting to feel tired.