I’m not going to erase yesterday’s post because it was full of truth. It would be wrong to hide those posts or try to pretend that I live every moment perfectly. We’re all just trying to survive. We’re all trying to grow, and we’re all trying to be ready for the groom when He comes to collect his bride.
The way I felt yesterday was genuine, and the nasty things that I said were examples of the filth that I picked up while I was out there in the world. You see, I’m an isolator. I’ve always tried to isolate myself from the spiritual filth even before I got back into “religion.” The term filth doesn’t mean a specific person or a particular sin; it literally means the spiritual filth that’s out there in the world. People assumed that I was “antisocial” or some such. It wasn’t really that. It was just that I always could sense the filth, and I didn’t want to be in the middle of it. I wanted to keep myself clean. There’s a filth that exists that is 100 times worse than any dirty floor or dirty bathroom you could have. It’s much more serious than a stain on a shirt or an unkempt bed. It’s spiritual filth, and it can kill your soul.
This week’s experience was rough for me because I had been keeping myself in a “purified place,” and then it was like I suddenly got hit with a bunch of negativity, sin, head games, and foolishness all at once. That experience can be overwhelming, and it can certainly make someone want to just say, “Forget it! I’m going back into my private little space that I’m not letting anyone into, and I’m going to stay there until the Messiah comes!” Lol.
I just realized today that I may have been being disobedient and a bit selfish by isolating myself. One of our main jobs is to be a light to the world, and we can’t be much of a light if we only visit light-filled places. No, we have to be willing to go to those dark places, and we have to willing to be examples to others. We also need to know how to talk to others about the things that we do or don’t do (if they ask) without offending them. There’s a difference between being a witness and being a self-righteous pest.
Yesterday, I was seriously considering quitting and going back into my closed room where I just talked to the Father, studied by Bible, and worked for myself. But I figure there’s a reason that He allowed me to get hired for that job. I NEVER thought those people would hire me, ever. But well, the Father makes all kinds of things happen. There has to be a reason that I’m in the middle of LGBT central, and I shouldn’t leave just because they gave me crap my first week. Many other people get crap their first week on a new job. As I said yesterday, it doesn’t get better anywhere else. There’s no dream business in this filthy world. We just have to try to pick the one that’s best for us. Checking out the CEO helps sometimes, but then again, the CEO doesn’t always know what’s going on in all the actual stores. He could stand against something and still have a bunch of units operating that exact way. Or it could be opposite where he stands for something but the managers at the units don’t and they don’t nurture that culture.
I’ll see how I feel after 30 days if I don’t get let go for being the cause of all the errors there 🙂
This is why we all need to have in our lives instructors in the Word and other people who can relate to our unique struggles. I learn from an actual Moreh. He and His wife instruct our brothers and sisters. They don’t live close to me, but get my fill of learning on the internet for now. I still wish there were more people in my area that I could relate to, but maybe one day.