I should have known things with Ian being so great to me was too good to be true. I’ve finally realized that the only way he’ll love me is if he’s drunk. The only way for me to find a man that loves me is some guy that’s super fat and ugly that totally repulses me and treats me like shit. I wish I could attract a handsome man that’s not repulsive…but then again as repulsive as I am that’s never going to happen. I can’t even seem to attract a repulsive man either these days. My mother was right, I’m just a piece of trash to be thrown away.