Still Not Sure

I’m up doing some online work, and I’m still not certain if I’m going to go into my new job tomorrow. Isn’t it sad that I’m already not wanting to go in?

I have been through so much pain in my life. I’ve been abused so much in that past that I’m just tired of always being the person that someone else gets to beat up. I worked only four days, and I can already see that it’s a toxic environment. Should I even give it 30 days? I mean, if it’s toxic, people aren’t going to change, and I know from experience that I’ll never make them accept me if they’ve made up their minds that they don’t want to. That’s okay. That’s their right, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to handle ridicule and abandonment every day.

One of the worst feelings in the world is getting NO training and then being left standing there on a transaction that you don’t know how to do. You call on the walkie-talkie, and no one comes back to help you. The customer’s waiting, and you just can’t figure it out because it’s not in your brain’s database. You feel incompetent, embarrassed, and you like you drive the short bus because the customer doesn’t understand that your co-workers bailed on you and left you out there to look like a fool. On top of that, every question you ask is a stupid question and the managers are short, sarcastic, and snappy with you. When someone does show you something, they go so fast that you miss it because you blink. 

I’ve said this many times before, but I know that ridicule, hatred, and other negative treatment come with the territory when a person tries to live out the Bible. I know it; I read it, and I understand it, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less. It hurts to be the one everybody decides to pick on ALL the time. I have a little more control over things when I work for myself. I don’t spend much time around people, so I don’t have to deal with any of this kind of stuff. 

Would I be disobedient to God if I just never went back? Can’t I serve mankind some other way than to take a public beating every day? Couldn’t I just pretend that the last week never happened, and I never worked there? Nope, ’cause, unfortunately, I live in a small town where everybody knows everything. I can’t do it in an unprofessional manner if I do it. 

I will be surprised if I make it the 90 days to get my benefits. Hell, I’ll be surprised if I go in tomorrow. I guess you’ll find out, journal, if I write a post tomorrow night. Right now, I’m trying to get a project done, and then I’m going to get a little sleep. 

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