“The Mood”

You know how sometimes you start getting this feeling where you can’t help but feel….. like nothing is going right or you just feel defeated? Its hard to explain. You just feel depressed. You cant help it though. I have a good life. I have a roof over my head. I have a good job. I have a dependable car. My bills are paid. There is food in the fridge. But I still feel sad. Why?? I dont feel happy and that upsets me because there are people worrying about where they are going to get their next meal. Why cant I just feel happy. I dont have the motivation to do anything. My house is a mess. All I want to do is lay around and watch TV. I dont want to be bothered. When I was younger I would go go go. Now all I want to do is stay home. I had a chance to go out last night with some friends and I ended up canceling because I was to tired and lazy to go. I just wanted to stay home. I dont ever get a chance to go out. I’m always taking care of the kids and getting them to places they need to be. Baseball, school, family things. I dont take the time for myself. And it is not because I dont have the time, I can make the time if I want but I dont want to. Why? I miss being single and no kids. Nothing to worry about. That’s terrible of me to say. I love my kids but I miss my old self. 

I was suppose to go to Sam Houston when I graduated but my SAT scores were not high enough for me to get in. So they told me go to a community college and then transfer in. So I did. But when I was attending the community college I met my husband. And I never made it to Sam. I sometimes think where I would be if I would of went? I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be married with kids, but then I think, I love my husband and kids. They wouldn’t be here if I didn’t make the decision to stay and not go to Sam. Now I am about to graduate in December with my associates. If I would of gone to Sam I would already have my bachelors. So I dont know where I would be if I went to Sam. Maybe a veterinarian by now like my plan was. Nothing ever goes as planned that’s for sure. Just me in my thoughts. 

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