“IN YOUR EYES”

In my eyes, you’re the confusing one. Sometimes you tire me out, but I refuse to give up yet.

Sometimes you smile kindly at me, just like you do at everybody else. To me, the world looks much brighter because of your dazzling smile. But…ah, well. You’ll probably think I’m just using some pickup lines.

Who has caused you to think so? Why does it seem difficult for you to believe in the sincerity of anyone’s praise?

Occasionally, you have that faraway look. Sometimes you fail to conceal the wound inside. When you do, your smile stiffens.

There’s frozen fury and pain in your eyes. Every time you’re asked, you shrug. Sometimes you shake your head and answer, “I’m okay.”

I also notice some of your friends’ attitude. Some are eagle-eyed, staring at me suspiciously. My movements are monitored in such a way, especially when I get too close to you.

They are watching your back, for some reasons. I’m sure you’re not as fragile as that.

“Once they let down their guard, women are always easy to be fooled,” you scoffed furiously once. “Once defeated, it’s still women who are always blamed!”

Oh, the agony in your voice. Maybe that’s why you were so angry that night. After the book club’s short story reading and poetry reciting we attend weekly, that event ended in a disaster.

I’m sorry. Suddenly I just had that urge to kiss you when we were both in the kitchen. Hollywood sentimentality. You immediately realised and pushed me.

“Back off.” God, your voice was icy cold. Without waiting for me to recover from shock, you ran off. You left the venue just like that, ignoring your friends’ cry of surprise.

“Bri?? You’re leaving now??”

— // —

You were really furious. You answered none of my phone calls. You didn’t reply to my Whatsapp messages.

You also refused to sit next to me at the same weekly event. You didn’t want to look at me. If you had to, it was as if I was the most despicable creature you’d ever seen. Honestly, I couldn’t stand being treated that way. It was as bad as hearing you argue with your friends about me. Your voice raised, laden with emotions:

“Okay, fine! So I’m the overly dramatic and paranoid one.”

I had to know from your friends about what had happened to you. From them, I heard of that man. Someone who had hurt you in the past.

Even when he successfully kissed you, at least you refused to let him force you to do more than that. This is not a moral issue for you. He’d asked for too much. You’ve made your choice and that man didn’t respect you at all.

My admiration and sadness just went out to you even more. I was amazed with how adamant you were when you dismissed the man. You weren’t scared of being left behind.

I was sad, because you thought all men were just the same, only after your body. I’m not like them…

— // —

You received a bouquet of white roses and a large brown teddy bear in front of your door. There was an attached envelope between the bear’s joined paws. You sat by the front porch and opened it. Then you read my note.

After that, you just hugged the teddy bear. There were tears in your eyes.

I secretly watched you from one of the cars parked in front of your house. I glanced at the little, blue velvet box in my hand.

This ring can wait. Right now, I just need you to accept my apology. I’ll be waiting patiently, until you’ll be able to see me like this in your eyes:

Briana, I’m not that kind of man. I’m not the kind who wants to hurt you…

 

R.

(Translated from: http://ruangbenakruby.com/2016/09/di-matamu/ )

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