Toxic.

My life right now isn’t all that I would want in life I mean I wouldn’t wish my life on anyone. I know it isn’t as bad as some people’s lives but always having people treat you like crap and talk about you behind your back is disrespectful. Not to mention everything that is happening in my life I live at home with my parents, brother, his fiance and their baby. I’m twenty-three years old i’ll be twenty-four in October of this year I have no friends or nothing to really call my own. I mean yes I do have things like clothes and books, etc but nothing I have brought for myself I’ve had the shoes I have right now for the last four or five years now and they’re hand me down shoes. My brother’s best friend gave them to my brother and he gave them to my mom after he wore them than she gave me the shoes. I feel depressed and pathetic because I always see my brother and his fiance buying whatever they want his fiance goes gets her nails done or her hair. They go traveling a lot or going places once they were in TN by that night they already went to three different states. I mean my brother has asked me to go but I just don’t wanna hear the arguing there and back because they argue A LOT. My brother always accuses her of cheating on him even if she’s with their daughter which their baby is like nine months now she’s a cutie. He’s fiance has a son by her ex husband she told my brother she got raped in college than got pregnant with him I honestly believe though. It’s her ex husband’s son because whenever anyone asks if that’s his step dad she gets really defensive and like she gets mad. My half brother is a druggie and so is my half sister they do drugs a lot or my sister sells them to people she only cares about her drugs and husband she acts like she doesn’t care about her children. My nephew is here every single day he gets off the bus here so does my youngest niece but least my niece will go home my nephew won’t barely go home. My oldest niece never comes out here much and whenever she does she acts weird my nephew is so mean to me all the time. It’s to the point where every time I even try to talk to him or won’t even be talking to him but my mom he’ll call me names telling me i’m a retard or that i’m lazy that I should get off my a** to do it myself. Because my dad has animals like rabbits and did have chickens my nephew complained about feeding them he told me I should get off my a** if I wanted it done any better or faster. My nephew tells me to shut the f up or shut up and mind my own business if my parents get me anything to eat or drink he argues about it telling me I should get a job and buy my own stuff. Instead of making other people buy me stuff which I don’t ask for them to buy me anything don’t get me wrong not like that at all. I don’t make people buy me anything if they do I am grateful for it I say thank you and try to help them out the best way that I can and i’m trying to find a job. I’m just so overweight and have so many insecurities right now I have barely any faith in finding any good jobs or anything for myself and I can’t explain that to my nephew he never understands. I even try to reason with him on things he’ll say i’m yelling or cursing him out and is so mean to me that i’m in tears by the time the conversation ends if it even can stay that long. I can barely even have a conversation with him anymore because he’s so disrespectful to me but my parents or no one will say anything to him. My nephew is here everyday gets off the bus here during the weekends, spring break, holidays and summer it’s like it never ends where he talks to me like i’m a piece of trash. He’s fourteen years old people tell me I should stand up to him and say something back to him I do but whenever I do he just makes me feel even worse about myself. My nephew always reminds me of how better my brother is saying at least he has a job and a vehicle, etc it just gets very old because I feel like i’m just the joke of the family. Not to complain either but I am overweight and a lot of people thinks it’s because I eat to much which it isn’t it’s cause of soda and sweets. I hate the way I look i’m almost four hundred pounds and it’s embarrassing and depressing especially during the summer when you see girls your age shopping buying really cute clothes or being able to easily make friends. I can’t even fit in most clothes or make friends easily I can’t even get in and out of our bathtub because it’s so small whenever I try to get in it it’s hard as hell trying to get back out. I can’t make friends either because most people just look at me make fun of me, laugh and point like my weight is the most funny thing they have ever saw in the world. I’ve been with my brother’s fiance Mary and went to target I loved this tie dye shirt but when I tried it on I looked seven or eight months pregnant but when she tried it she looked alright in it. That’s why I hate my weight so badly and it holds me back from doing the things I wanna do in life I can’t even go hiking or buy cute clothing and dress up nicely. I can’t wear shorts or bikinis cause I feel insecure i’ve never wore a bikini I do wear shorts but only in doors. If it isn’t my weight bothering me it’s my teeth that are bad on the top my dentist said that I have to get a denture on top and all of my top teeth pulled out which is fourteen teeth and one on the bottom. I’m scared of the idea of getting it done and embarrassed because I have to have a denture I was mostly scared and stuff of what my boyfriend would think or say about the idea of me having a denture. He’s fine with it says it’s sexy to him but I just hate the idea of taking it out at night around my family because of how mean my nephew is to me. I don’t want my nephew making fun of me or my brother for bettering myself in a way that would mostly likely make me feel happier but i’m afraid that it’ll hurt to badly. Our landlord is letting us borrow the money to get my teeth pulled out and get a denture which is really nice of him but he’s getting where he forgets stuff and my mom told me. I need to get my teeth done VERY soon because of him forgetting things he’s in his eighties I wanna get my teeth done soon. Living like I am now with pain in my mouth I mean right now i’m not in pain but whenever I drink cold drinks my mouth shoots pain not bad and not for long but it’s still there. I eat I can’t bite down on my front teeth it bothers me so I have to eat on the right side of my mouth in the back and there’s a broke off tooth back there which hurts a lot whenever I eat. It goes away once I take medicine for pain but it’s annoying to me and i’ve never had dentures or a denture so i’m scared of the whole progress. I have a dentist who’s very nice but in the past I have had a dentist which is still in my town who’s very rude and disrespectful I mean he did three root canals in one day. He didn’t give me anything for pain he kinda yelled at me saying to move up and down that I was in the wrong position than the assistants that was helping him made me wear something over my hair like a hair net. They told my mom their thought I had lice which I don’t I have psoriasis and dandruff which my mom told them that they act like their didn’t believe her. I know they did one of my teeth once than chipped off another tooth but didn’t do anything about it there’s a difference from telling someone they need to brush their teeth to basically making fun of someone for how their teeth are. I just felt like they were making fun of me for how my teeth are and how I looked because even the dentist said you need to lay off the soda it would help your teeth and your weight. I was thinking the whole time did he just make fun of my weight when he said that maybe i’m wrong but that’s what it felt like to me. I thought I would never find another dentist again because I kept going to others one over and over nothing it cost to much but my old dentist office referred me over to another dentist office which was like a hour and a half away. I traveled all the way there for them to do nothing and say that they couldn’t help me to which my mom found another dentist office which was alright the dentist. I saw there was AMAZING I love her but she started her own dentist office which I now go to and very very happy about it because all the dentists there that I have met so far including her are extremely nice and professional. I love that they care so much about you more than the money they take the time out of their day to make you feel happy and at home. They don’t judge you or act like their judging you on your appearance or how your teeth are their just want you to feel comfortable and feel better about yourself. I went to go get two teeth pulled out but one of the dentists were very very honest with me he told me he didn’t wanna touch my teeth because he didn’t want me in pain. He told me he would rather me get the money together to get ALL my teeth done at once so that I could knock it all out in one go and not have to come back and forth in pain. He told me that to him I was way to nervous to even get two teeth out that day he didn’t wanna make me come back and forth in pain that he couldn’t promise if he took one or two out that the others wouldn’t break off or go into pain. I was so amazed by him and so happy he told me that because I was like he made me feel so comfortable in telling me that he was being honest with me but at the same time making me trust him a whole lot which is very rare. I have the money to get my teeth pulled and a healing denture I will get my permanent one in six months whenever my gums heal up but i’m afraid because they wanna do it without like a week or two weeks. I mean they told me they wanted to give me medicine for anxiety and pain before the surgery and after I think which I am very thankful for but if you have any denture experience. Please let me know because it would really help me out a lot I have been watching every and any denture video I can find online or on youtube. I have even talked to a girl who has dentures and she answered a few of my questions but I have a WHOLE lot of questions honestly that I think about it and need help answering them. I have looked online as well but it’s better getting the answers from someone who actually has dentures. I have watched bad experiences which makes me worry and sad as well which doesn’t really help but I wanna know everything about dentures and the experience of getting your teeth pulled out. My main question is I wanna know if I can still eat like nuts or apples what stuff you can and cannot eat because I love my fruit and apples including peanuts or different nuts. I just wanna need answers to everything if you have dentures please leave me a comment or any of your social media down below so I could talk to you if you feel comfortable in doing so it would really help me out. I’m just afraid whenever I have it done my nephew or brother will be mean to me or I won’t be able to get sleep if I feel bad because my half brother who’s high msot the time on drugs. My half brother beats on my window at three am in the morning half the time no joke which pisses me off but I feel like every time I say anything to my mom about my half brother the things he does that bother me. My mom gets mad and bites my head off about it she says everyone tells her about him but the thing is she never ever tells him like listen you can’t be here on drugs or you have to go somewhere else. Nothing she never tells him or my nephew anything which bothers me a lot I wish I had the money to just move out I love my family but the way they are and act is really uncalled for. It makes me into a really biter person and very negative I can’t help it my boyfriend doesn’t even know half the crap I go through during a day’s time. I try to explain it to him but he never listens which is frustrating it’s like he thinks I don’t have it as bad as I say I do which isn’t true I do have it rough I know other people do. I know they have it worse than me at times but dealing with my family you almost go crazy.  

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