Confessions of a Risin’ Star

(Above Pic: nu-kixx & pop culture jus go 2gether) 

I tried to not write about this s***… 

Cuz, ya don’t wanna come off like you’re all crazy, delusional, or just, out there. But, the issue as of lately, just won’t leave. It’s discouraging, because some days, it feels like I’m getting back to myself. Then, I have a day like today, and I feel, broken…

If there is a God, (and I mentally teeter between atheism and Christianity meshed with Buddhism, sorta), he or she, is really devout at keeping women away from me (except for my mom and sisters). As I try to wean the good out of that, I feel that women are innately on the take. (That is, the ones that don’t have what it takes to pull it for themselves.) Truth be told, I really appreciate a woman who is still into men, yet strives to exude both financially and intelligently evolved. Unfortunately, life has been very, very adament on keeping those types of women away from me.

Now, as for whores and immature types? They have been everywhere. I can’t keep em away. Of course, they eventually act s****y, and they always eventually test your manhood. They typically won’t let you love/sex em unless they node in some way or another that control you. 

When you become successful, you have to mode beyond and above the bulls***. For me, working out and taking care of myself helped that, but now, even that is in jeopardy. 

There is always, a pain of some for me(as likely you also); such is the cross humility makes us all carry. I presume such will be my case the rest of my life. Currently, there is a pain that rests in my mid section. It moves to my lower back, legs, and arms when I think thoughts, inwardly speak names, and consider certain choices…  

I was getting massages, and that helped a lot, until they started being s***y. They were insistent on keeping me with guy therapists, and one of the therapists tried to hump my arm, twice. (Steer clear of Massage Envy….) 

It’s weird, this current evil did n’t appear, until I got over my largest test of faith, ever. So, the man (or woman) that controls things, is really putting me through it(jus in a different way). No love(romance), no partying, and now, no working out like I’m used to. 

I guess reading all those affirmations are n’t for s*** now…

*deep sigh*

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